Go ahead, admit it— you want a puppy too

By Howard Troxler, Times Columnist
In print: Tuesday, March 25, 2008

This is Louie, half Labrador retriever and half Weimaraner.
	[Handout]

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FIELD NOTES ON

A NEW PUPPY

1. Introduction

2. General description

3. Behavior

4. Housebreaking

5. Other training

6. Interspecies relations

7. Conclusion

1. Introduction. From time to time, some express at least the theoretical desire to acquire a puppy. The purpose of these notes is to provide objective information for those contemplating such action.

2. General description. The puppy under observation is 10 weeks old and weighs approximately 13 pounds. He is half Labrador retriever and half Weimaraner. His coat is black except for a white streak on his chest. His name is Louie.

3. Behavior. Study reveals that almost all of the puppy's time is spent in one of the following activities: sleeping, playing, biting/chewing, eating and eliminating. These activities generally occur separately, but not always.

4. Housebreaking. It is not yet entirely clear to the puppy that there is a desired distinction between going Here and going There, despite the kindly and patient exhortations of the owners, who spend a great deal of time out in the yard exclaiming in friendly high-pitched voices: "Good! Potty! Good!"

In general the puppy needs to be given the opportunity to do the right thing as often as is practical, including interruptions of sleep in the middle of the night. In fairness, this may be said for at least one of the owners as well.

5. Training. The puppy's owners seek to employ the best advice of all modern thinkers. Much of this practice involves establishing themselves as alpha dogs and the puppy as the beta dog.

The puppy was thus subjected to a visit from a puppy trainer who sounded, in addressing the puppy, as loud as Ethel Merman. The puppy stared accusingly at the owners as they subjected him to exercises of beta dog subjugation, and slunk off to his crate afterward, a new disillusionment introduced into his previously innocent world.

6. Interspecies relations. Without previous exposure, the puppy now lives in proximity to three 9-year-old cats. The interactions of the two species to date consist primarily of the cats' expression of firm disagreement with the puppy's attempts to chase or leap upon them. Although these communications have been conveyed in a traditional and vigorous fashion, they largely have been ineffective.

Nonetheless, at least two of the cats have surreptitiously taken to rubbing against the puppy when they believe they are not being observed, an encouraging trend.

7. Conclusion. Despite the inconveniences associated with puppy ownership, it proves impossible to refrain from falling to the floor and rolling around with the puppy, while exclaiming, "Puppy puppy puppy!" So far, this has been conducted with enthusiasm by both parties in the transaction. No evidence exists to suggest this situation will change.

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