Wednesday, September 19, 2018
Pop Culture

Happy Festivus, readers: Here are your top grievances of 2017

Saturday is Festivus, the made-up holiday introduced in the classic Seinfeld episode "The Strike" and still celebrated two decades later at real-life events across the country featuring unadorned, metal poles and feats of strength.

According to Festivus lore, the celebration begins with the traditional Airing of Grievances.

"At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year," is how sitcom character Frank Costanza put it.

For a second straight year, we asked readers to air their grievances to us, and they went for it. Here’s a taste of what you wanted to complain about from 2017.

 

POP CULTURE

Rian Johnson and the creative team behind The Last Jedi.

— Kevin Culhan.

 

Kids complaining about The Last Jedi. I waited years for the prequels, and ended up getting Jar Jar Binks and pre-teen Anakin in theaters. Be grateful!

—Ephraim Douglas

 

The organization I work for is in the middle of a major holiday toy drive event, during which we play holiday music for the volunteers. We’re halfway through day two, and I’ve already heard Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas Is You more times than I can count. It’s not a bad song, but it’s inescapable.

—Jovahn Huertas

 

Every store in the mall is blasting Mariah Carey’s holiday album.

—Cara S.

 

James Woods’ obscene ponytail in the 1989 movie "True Believer" keeps me up at night.

—Jack Hamilton

 

Fidget spinners.

— @sara_smyles on Twitter

 

My parents are dead.

—Bruce Wayne

 

The Tampa Bay Times Festivus poll.

— "Hubba Bubba"

 

OTHER HUMANS

Upstairs neighbors who sound like elephants and wild animals who aren’t even having fun.

—Patricia Rockwood

 

A--holes who go through the express 10 items or less line with a full cart and then act offended when you point out the sign.

—Joe McColloch

 

Millennials, as a whole have no work ethic and this makes every simple task a complicated chore.

—Bill Lichter

 

Old people who say millennials are ruining things. You raised us!

—Maggie C.

 

I got a YUGE problem with adults wearing tights in public. Eeeuww.

—Anita Landess

 

Men. They should be put on time out for a minimum of one year.

— Zoey Doyle

 

All the people who constantly tell me that I should quit smoking. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS !!!

—Robert Schultz

 

I have a co-worker who doesn’t understand her digestive system very well, multiple times every day she’s in the bathroom just blowing it up. I wouldn’t normally care, but given that my desk is so close to the bathrooms it’s become a problem. Am I supposed to stay at my station and continue to work? Or do I leave to give some privacy?

—Amie Perry

 

My sister keeps having kids and I have to buy them all presents (I am not made of $$$).

—Cara S.

 

The fact that my husband shut down what could have been a perfectly engaging discussion about whether chickens can have twins. THAT annoyed me. —Lorraine Escher

 

I’ve got a grievance with parents who refuse to let their kids take responsibility when they screw up. You suck, parents, and you’re raising victims!

— A. Teacher

 

Phones, phones, phones. You wear them like fashion accessories. You’re going to get hit by a car walking across the street with your heads in the damn thing.

—Igor Davis

 

My boss is a huge idiot. … She even thought the eclipse would be at night. How is she above me?

—Ellanore M.

 

You need to not pee on the seat.

—Frank Rizzo

 

My hospital called me, the only Jewish doctor on staff, Dr. Jew on accident in a memo. Then they told me it was an accident and that they thought I wasn’t even a Jew so it shouldn’t matter. I don’t work there anymore…

—James Russel

 

Answer your emails. READ your emails. Don’t respond to emails with questions that were fully answered in the original email. Unrelated: COVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH, YOU MONSTER.

—Desiree Fantal

 

My Florida neighbor who consistently complains to me about not being able to have a sexual night with his Wife. The man is 82 years old. His wife has surely lost the drive for sex, especially seeing how this neighbor practices his physical HYGENE!!! 

—Gregory Cooper

 

I hate your town, and I've never even been there. The guy I was dating decided to take a job in Tampa and dumped me out of the blue. I hope he rots in hell/Tampa.

 —Courtney Gray

SPORTS

The Tampa Bay Rays have always had attendance issues and then they decide to trade their most talented and beloved franchise player. Thanks.

— Briana Gonzalez

 

FSU and Buccaneers football.

—Jeff Parker

 

I’m sick of people talking down to southern hockey markets like they’re not worthy of playing "your" sport. All I hear is whining about how some small nowhere town like Wood Buffalo could field a team whenever an American team isn’t doing so hot. Keep dreaming snobs! Bolts, Preds, even Yotes are here to stay.

—Johnny Chayka-Khan

 

McAdoo, because being fired isn’t enough, I’ve got to blast you on Festivus...WHO BENCHES ELI?!

—Alex Ostapiej

 

BUSINESS

I’m sick and tired of having to order coffee when I can’t understand the menu!!

—@eric_laroze on Twitter

 

Publix, bring back the sandwich press! Toasting it is not the same.

—Amanda Dwyer

 

There is a lack of gluten free and vegan eat-in restaurant options in Tampa, specifically by the airport! Have to go to Clearwater or St. Pete to get good food. Vegan gluten-free hamburger buns that most of the restaurants use tend to suck, fall apart and can’t hold up to a veggie burger. Tell me how a piece of lettuce is supposed to substitute? —Deb Kelley

 

It’s about time we all learned the KFC secret herbs and spices.

—Adam Green

 

Apple only put Animoji on the iPhone X when it only uses the front facing camera and could be on any iPhone.

—Arjun Gandhi

 

Corporate social media accounts trying to be funny. For every Wendy’s that’s legitimately funny, you get twelve that are more like the Las Vegas NHL team, which is more like a 50-year-old wearing a backwards hat trying to be cool. Maybe just provide good customer service and your brand will catch on without having to be a jerk.

— Zachary Smith

 

Can we stop calling these candy bars "Fun Size"?! What’s fun about them?! —Nick Pierce

 

I really hate how subway cuts cheese into little triangles. —Ryan Hode

 

Online products that have only one review and it is 5 stars. Come on, we know the seller wrote the review. —Carmella Stephens

 

Every time I go to buy kombucha, the supermarket is out of gingerade. Order more! You know it’s the most popular flavor! —Doug Markle

 

Why does every store with double doors insist on keeping one of them locked, thereby insuring that I will slam into it when I go to push it open on my way out. Just unlock it! — PJ Mailer

 

TRANSPORTATION AND DRIVING

Intersection of Big Bend and I-75 adds 20 minutes to our work commute, it sucks and has for years. Add a right hand entrance to I-75 North for the love of Festivus. —John Peters

 

I absolutely hate the people who intentionally drive down the merge lane heading south on West Shore from Kennedy. You know who you are, and there is a special place in hell waiting for you! —Bob Cousins

 

At 6’7" tall, I am tired of seeing five foot nothing individuals sitting in aircraft emergency row seating. The federal law should be changed to stipulate that to sit in aircraft emergency row seating, you must be able and willing to help out in an emergency, as well as 6’2" or taller. —Oren Adelson

 

Uber drivers, I’ve had enough of your slow and steady driving and random stops! —Keith Forbes

 

Ever since Uber allowed tipping, every ride is like an interview where the driver asks questions about your job, interests, wife, kids, dinner plans, medical history. I just want to stare at my phone in silence back here. — Renton Simon

 

Turn your headlights on in the rain! —Jolene Haddich

 

I’m tired of drivers hitting their brakes on the highway when just taking their foot off the gas would do just fine. — Abir Hasnat

 

I-4 should officially be designated as a motorama destruction derby, and all city projects should be named "yuppie attraction schemes"... —Dimitri Voynich

 

People need to learn the rules for right-of-way. No, you don’t have a stop sign! Don’t stop here! Now I have to wait for you to go! —Derek Mendes

 

GRAMMAR AND LANGUAGE

If I hear one more of you say "literally" I’m going to figuratively smash your face in.

—Robert Aloo

 

What’s this breaking it down for you? Break what down? Who’s this Deets person? Not sure who "The Deets" is? Why do we not just speak in complete words?

—Jill Harrod

 

Whenever anyone says, " I seen..."

—Lisa Lynch

 

As a woman, I can’t stand hearing the phrase "you guys."

—Donna M.

 

POLITICS, GOVERNMENT, MEDIA, ETC.

"Trump," "Hillary," Democrats, the GOP, conservatives, liberals, kneelers, people who are mad at kneelers, people who called real news fake news as well as people who promoted fake news as real news.

— Many, many of the readers who responded

 

2017 has been a banner year for the Tone-Deaf Politician. Let’s get rid of the incumbents in 2018!

—Al Bargy

 

It pisses me off that mental disorders (except PTSD) aren’t covered by Florida’s new medical marijuana laws.

— Ryan Neil McCafferty

 

Hillsborough County’s $92 teacher raises.

—P.E. Teacher

 

Thoughts and prayers instead of action.

—Marlene Rubin

 

My insurance premiums becoming too high so I had to leave the marketplace and get only a partial plan. Which I will get a fine for not being able to afford the Affordable Care Act. No I do not qualify for a subsidy.

—Rachel S.

 

The media and all its made up lies and #fakenews.

—J.C.

 

People crying #fakenews. Like seriously! Someone woke up one day decided that end all be all to anything you disagree with is saying "#FakeNews". No! Your fake news is the fake news, how bout dat!?

—Jenni Cabezas

 

People only getting their news from sources with a particular slant, and only talking with people who agree with them. We need to learn from and talk to diverse sources!

— Veronica Paris

 

EMS cannot figure why call volume is up. Try using most powerful tool in medicine, TRIAGE. Stop sending two units to minor problems. Do your job. Free, quick home care is not your mandate. Improve traffic and save taxpayer money and do better job with a little TRIAGE.

—Andy Marsa

 

HMMM

The racoon living in my shed never pays rent and craps all over everything!

—Bob Loblaw

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