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Hooters: Every guy's dream, or a step above a strip club?

By Shannon Colavecchio-Van Sickler and David Norrie, tbt* columnistsDavidNorrieShannonVan Sickler
In print: Friday, April 25, 2008

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He said

Biting into a fiery habanero pepper. Wrestling a guy with cauliflower ear. Trying to out-drink somebody born in Key West. Getting Tased, bro. These are things you need only do once before realizing you shouldn't repeat them.

Another is dating a Hooters waitress.

I'll admit, at one point in my life, I had a thing for girls in orange shorts — much like one might be enamored with Italian sports cars. But it doesn't work, because like the sleek roadsters, you eventually come to realize that every guy is envious because he wants a ride. They're not practical for everyday life, and at the end of the day, they always reek of oil.

Back in my youth, Hooters might as well have taken a direct deposit out of my paycheck each month. My Amex bill looked like it had a second car payment on it.

Then I realized, my tight tank-top wearing double-bubble girlfriend had one hand on a basket of curly fries and the other on a brass pole. It was like she was doing an internship for an exotic dance club, minus the cheesy DJ. Plus, I wasn't into my girl getting elaborate gifts from her "regulars."

I know I'm going to get angry letters from these wing-slingin' part-time models, Shannon. At some casting call this weekend, there will be buxom beauties cursing me in Valley Girl tongue.

But ladies, God bless you, you're as American as John Deere. And as long as they keep squeezing you into those extra-small shorts, men will be craving mediocre food and cold drafts.

She said

I should start by disclosing my bias against Hooters, one that has little to do with such a lofty cause as feminism.

See, I have virtually no hooters, so I feel the eatery's whole premise is kind of unfair. Being one of more ample rear end, I always wonder: Why not open a place called "Booters?"

But I digress.

I get the allure of Hooters for fraternity groups and middle-aged men. Hooters is kind of like a strip club, but safer, right?

There's no taboo of, "Oh, I spent my lunch hour at a strip joint." Instead, society seems pretty cool with, "Oh, he just ate wings at Hooters. How delicious."

But the fact is, Hooters is inherently a sexually charged place, what with all that T&A spilling into the blue cheese sauce and making the wings extra hot.

This brings me to the thing that totally mystifies me about Hooters: Families go there!

Mom and Dad bring the T-ball team and the gymnastics girls, as if it were just another Chuck E. Cheese or Beef O'Brady's.

Hello? It's not!

Hooters is hot girls in too-tight clothes, bearing as much cleavage and leg as possible without breaking laws. Which is fine for some college kid or middle-aged businessman. Ogle all ya want!

But what message are parents sending to their elementary-aged sons and daughters when they treat them to burgers with a side of boobs? Not a healthy one.

— Got a topic you'd like to see Shannon and David debate? Send it to tbteditors@tampabay.com.