When Stuck in the '80s double zeroes Sean Daly and Steve Spears found out that the Florida Orchestra is saluting 007 at three separate shows this weekend, the nerdy boys were shaken, stirred and, unfortunately, as jiggly as overfed Bond girls.
As well as the orchestra's salute to songs and scores from 20 of the spy flicks, props and memorabilia from the classic series will be on display. The whole thing has given Daly and Spears a full-on license to dork out. Herewith, they debate the very best Bond songs — and giggle for the millionth time at Octopussy.
Spears: I'm going to come right out and say it: Duran Duran's A View to a Kill and Wings' Live and Let Die are the most overrated Bond songs of all time. Don't even try to debate the merits of those two, Dr. Dough.
Daly: And I'm going to come right out and say you're the George Lazenby of the St. Pete Times. Are you kidding me? Those are the two best Bond songs — and perfectly suited for the Florida Orchestra's brassy bombast. Let me guess: You're the type of guy who likes to sing Nobody Does It Better while preening in the mirror and making a gun out of your fingers.
Spears: I'm not afraid to admit I like Carly Simon, tough guy. But it's not the best Bond tune. Not counting John Barry's peerless instrumental theme song — and Shirley Bassey comes close, too — creepy-eyed '80s queen Sheena Easton is tops with For Your Eyes Only. Also under-appreciated? Rita Coolidge's All Time High from Octopussy.
Spears: You're laughing at me right now, aren't you?
Daly: Maybe. But I should be crying. You like the wussiest Bond songs ever! Instead of using a Walther PPK, I bet you wished 007 just slapped his enemies. Or maybe gave them a stern talking to. You want good Bond music: Thunderball by Tom Jones. Now that's a macho song! Die Another Day by Madonna was hot, too.
Spears: What? Madonna?! You just smeared the entire Bond canon! The truth is that there hasn't been a classic Bond song since 1987's The Living Daylights by a-Ha. Moviemakers forgot that Bond songs should be sexy but cool, attitudinal and aloof. Madonna was a crass attempt at album sales. Roger Moore is rolling over in his grave!
Daly: First of all, Roger Moore isn't dead. Second of all, he might actually be the best Bond. Can we finally agree on that?
Spears: I've had enough of Pierce Brosnan. I don't like Daniel Craig at all. And Sean Connery is your dad's James Bond. Me? I'm going with Timothy Dalton.
Spears: Grow up, Daly.
Sean Daly can be reached at email@example.com or (727) 893-8467. Steve Spears can be found at blogs.tampabay.com/80s.