It might be the worst song you've ever heard. Insulting to humankind's intelligence. It actually has the nerve to remind us that Saturday comes after Friday.
"It's Friii-day, Friii-day, gotta get down on Friii-day. Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend."
Rebecca Black is the perpetrator. She is 13, and her song Friday has reached No. 54 on iTunes, sandwiched between Florence and the Machine and Bruno Mars. Her video has more than 12 million YouTube views. It has been mocked and covered and heralded an accidental hit, something that could be a brilliant joke if it wasn't so apocalyptically earnest.
Guys, it's really bad.
"Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends. Kickin' in the front seat, sittin' in the back seat. Gotta make my mind up. Which seat can I take?"
It comes from the Ark Music Factory in Los Angeles. The production company polishes up white bread tween girls with auto-tuned songs on the topic of … well, virtually nothing. Ark has several agitating acts, including Dakota Fanning doppelganger Abby Victor, also well-versed in the days of the week.
"It's a Saturday, Saturday night and I'm out, out with my friends. Partyin', partyin', when you walk in."
Black, though, has surpassed her peers. She has an unnerving, alluring quality. In the first part of her video, she is a soulless pen and ink drawing likely done on Microsoft Photo Editor. In the rest, she looks like she saw a dead puppy and was then told to smile.
Some of the iTunes downloads were probably serious. Although Justin Bieber looks like George Frideric Handel compared to Black, kids unfailingly like stupid things. They get a pass. Besides, the song subscribes to every pop convention. There's a rap solo at the end. A rap solo!
But more likely? People are downloading it for the laughs.
Our senses of humor have evolved in this century, past slapstick pratfalls and canned laughter into more squirmy territory. We like things that are awkward. That hit right where we live. That remind us of the guy in the next cubicle who eats pickles all day.
Cool bosses will play Black's song at the end of workdays.
"Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday. Today is Friii-day, Friii-day."
City women will blast it at their 30th birthdays, after Willow Smith's Whip My Hair and Antoine Dodson's Bed Intruder Song.
"Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards. I don't want this weekend to end."
And Black? In a few years, she might get her own joke.