JANE LYNCH MOVIES
Repeat after me: "I will not … freak out … after Glee goes off the air … after this Wednesday's episode."
You freaked anyway, didn't you?
Fox's addictive show about a dysfunctional high school chorus club does return April 13, but that might not be acceptable to its legions of fans — "Gleeks" — who are used to spending an hour each week with their beloved Mr. Schuester, Kurt, Artie, Rachel and Finn.
And Cheerios tyrant Sue Sylvester, of course, played by Jane Lynch, an actor so deliciously addictive that just giving her a bit part in any movie seems to improve it tenfold. (Paying attention, Steven Seagal?)
So while the Gleeks stubbornly hold their collective breath and wait until April, here are five Jane Lynch movies they should rent to help the time pass more quickly.
1. THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN (2005): Steve Carell is the lifelong virgin. But he could break that streak if he took up Lynch on her offer to become his "friend with benefits." (Probably wouldn't hurt if he threw away his framed Asia poster, too.)
Memorable line: "I'm very discreet … but I will haunt your dreams."
2. ROLE MODELS (2008): The equally great Paul Rudd co-wrote and stars in this movie (with Seann William Scott) about two friends shamelessly pimping energy drinks to schoolchildren. But the movie takes off when Lynch appears as cokehead-turned-founder of Sturdy Wings, a charity that matches up the legally challenged duo with fatherless boys.
Memorable line: "I'm not here to service you, I'm here to service these young boys."
3. BEST IN SHOW (2000): Actor/writer/director Christopher Guest seems to give Lynch her funniest roles — sure he's not a ghost writer on Glee? — this time as a lesbian show-dog trainer.
Memorable line: "We started this magazine, American B----. It's a focus on the issues of the lesbian pure bred dog owner."
4. A MIGHTY WIND (2003): Lynch plays a former porn star turned folk singer. Decide for yourself which is more horrifying. Too bad we can't quote her best lines in a family newspaper.
Memorable line: "Terry and I worship an unconventional deity. … Through our ceremonies and rituals we have witnessed the awesome and vibratory power … of color.
5. PAUL (2010): This sci-fi comedy hasn't even been released yet, but we're willing to give it our stamp of approval in advance. Having Jason Bateman, Sigourney Weaver and Seth Rogen in the cast doesn't hurt.
Memorable line: Hello, wait until next year. But we predict you'll have a choice of a dozen great lines to choose from.
Weekend movies Dollar amounts in millions
The Blind Side, $20.4
New Moon, $15.7
A Christmas Carol, $7.5
Old Dogs, $6.9
Prime-time TV shows
Dancing With the Stars (ABC)
Dancing With the Stars Results (ABC)
NFL Football: Pittsburgh at Baltimore, (NBC)
NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS)
Source: Nielsen Media Research for week ending Nov. 30
Songs On Itunes
Bad Romance, Lady GaGa
TiK ToK, Ke$ha
Empire State of Mind, Jay-Z (feat. Alicia Keys)
Fireflies, Owl City
Meet Me Halfway, Black Eyed Peas
Source: iTunes Music Store
YAHOO Search Terms In Tampa Bay
Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
Source: Yahoo.com, for seven days ending Dec. 3
Angels & Demons
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Source: Netflix, for week ending Nov. 28