Saturday, June 16, 2018
Features and More

You may laugh at Florida's weirdness, but we're definitely not boring

FLORIDA — By now you've probably seen the list from Buzzfeed of the 40 most insane things that happened in Florida in 2012. A bunch of them happened in Tampa Bay.

If you're a journalist like we are, you probably posted it on Facebook — "Job security!" If you've left Florida for Brooklyn to wear scarves and write a dissertation in the style of Jonathan Franzen, you probably were all smug, like, "I was born here, guys! LOL." If you just live here and have a sense of humor, you probably thought, "Heh," and went back to eating gourmet tacos.

That's the thing. It's not that we enjoy playing host to murderers, sandwich-throwing criminals, face-eaters and sex freaks. Yeah, it's sad sometimes. Sure, we could get huffy, talk about our wonders of nature, our rich history, the interesting, textured characters, the robin's egg skies and beach-ready temperatures in December.

But usually, we just decide to roll with it, to find perverse pride in being the kid at the party doing a keg stand in nothing but a Superman cape and socks. Floridians can take the joke.

Heck yeah, that guy robbed a store with shorts on his head! Shorts are a refreshing summertime sartorial choice.

Hulk Hogan and his tan lines are all ours. So is that girl who got the absolute most sensitive region of her butt tattooed — and raved about the experience on camera. Paws off, Las Vegas!

We'd like to see what kind of eyeball washes up on your shore, North Dakota. Five bucks says Steve Buscemi.

Fifty thousand bees? Our neighbor has 60,000, and he named them all after his cousins.

Other states don't have a lady who rode a manatee. But other states don't even have manatees. Have you seen a manatee? They're freaking cool.

Post away.

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