Monday, October 22, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Attending a funeral offends girlfriend

Attending a funeral offends girlfriend

Q: This week, a co-worker died in a motorcycle accident. I didnít know her well but her death directly impacts many people in our office. I wanted to go to the funeral to show my support for the family. The victimís brother works in our warehouse and I see him frequently.

When I told my girlfriend I was going to attend the funeral, she did not understand why and was even offended that I would even consider attending. She tragically lost her mother five years ago. I lost my aunt three years ago, also very tragically, and a childhood friend this year. My girlfriend compared the death to these and is critical of the fact that I would consider this death tragic in any way when people die all the time. In her opinion, itís insulting to attend this personís funeral because I did not have a personal connection with the victim.

My moral compass is telling me I should be there. What do I do?

Torn

A: Attending a funeral does not commit the deceased to your inner circle of intimacy. Therefore, going to the funeral of a colleague you didnít know well does not devalue your presence at the funerals of the people you love most, or cheapen your (or her) feelings for these people or your (or her) grief at their deaths.

I find it bizarre and surreal that anyone would require you to justify your impulse to be there, and that youíd actually comply. Funerals honor the dead but also comfort the living, so itís perfectly customary to go to a funeral when you know the survivors better than you know the deceased. Yet she is "highly offended" that you would make this extremely common, utterly unexotic gesture of decency and goodwill?

How often does she use these outsize emotions ó or just the threat thereof ó to influence your decisions? What other parts of your life does she presume to control in this way?

I think the terrible news of your colleague has exposed your girlfriend as bad news.

Comments
Is the annual pass worth it? As Disney changes pricing system, we help you decide

Is the annual pass worth it? As Disney changes pricing system, we help you decide

Though costly, annual passes at Disney World, Universal, Busch Gardens and other parks can sometimes be a smarter choice. You just have to know what you’re getting.
Published: 10/19/18

Tell Me About It: Tips for introverts when partners host a party

Q: Iím a borderline extrovert married to a definite introvert. I used to enjoy hosting parties/social events before we got together, but I know heís not a fan and havenít done anything for ages. I also didnít try because we lacked space when we first...
Published: 10/19/18
Riverview Chamber readies for another Trick or Treat Street

Riverview Chamber readies for another Trick or Treat Street

Annual event draws thousands to Riverview High School for seasonal fun
Published: 10/18/18

Tell Me About It: Friendship changes after sister-in-law has a baby

Iíve always had a warm and close relationship with my sister-in-law. Then, she had a baby, and everything changed. She seems to resent me if I talk about things Iím doing for fun. Sheíll say things like, "It must be nice to have that much free time,"...
Published: 10/18/18
Top things to do in Tampa Bay this week: MarineQuest, Dia de los Muertos, Brian Kilmeade and more

Top things to do in Tampa Bay this week: MarineQuest, Dia de los Muertos, Brian Kilmeade and more

Top things to do in Tampa Bay this week: MarineQuest, a Dia de los Muertos celebration and Fox co-host Brian Kilmeade.
Published: 10/17/18
5 things to do under $5 this week: Pops in the Park, Circus McGurkis

5 things to do under $5 this week: Pops in the Park, Circus McGurkis

On our list for Oct. 18-24: Free concerts in the park by the Florida Orchestra, free trolley rides in Ybor and a Native American flute gathering.
Published: 10/17/18

Tell Me About It: Friendís inability to make plans feels like ghosting

Q: A former co-worker/friend moved about an hour away several years ago. We were close, texting, talking multiple times a day. Once she moved, that slowed down to a meal a couple times a year and intermittent texts/calls.Since last year, I have been ...
Published: 10/17/18

Tell Me About It: Friend stars dating the guy that broke her heart

Friend stars dating the guy that broke her heart"target="_blank">Friend stars dating the guy that broke her heartQ: My friend "Jane" just told me, as a courtesy, that she has struck up a connection with my ex-boyfriend "John" and that things are hea...
Published: 10/21/18

Tell Me About It: Momís offer to help with twin newborns is rejected

Q: My son and daughter-in-law are expecting twins, their first children together ó she has older children. My husband and I have enjoyed a warm and happy relationship with them and live nearby.My son is a twin so I am fully aware of the need for extr...
Published: 10/16/18

Tell Me About It: Caring mom takes in sonís friend as part of the family

Q: My sonís best friend since middle school has been living in my guest room for a couple of months now, since his 18th birthday. His home situation has been very unstable for the past few years since his parents split up, and he bounced around their...
Published: 10/15/18