Sunday, October 21, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Boyfriend won’t open up about their future

Q: I have been seriously dating my boyfriend for over two years, and we live together. I have expressed more than once that I want to be married, and that it is something I value and want in life, and we had a lengthy conversation about it a couple months ago. He always tells me heís "not ready, but maybe one day," and says the same thing with having kids.

Weíve had our ups and downs, and lately I feel as though he doesnít actually want to marry me or make any big commitments. I am almost 30, and donít want to wait around forever for him to make up his mind.

Iíve also written him notes to fully articulate my feelings without him interjecting, and he doesnít usually write much back. It is either defensive, or he will say something like "thanks for sharing." Truly, I donít know where most of his feelings lie about any of this.

Should I just accept that we in fact do not want the same things?

Commitaphobe?

A: Or accept that even if you do want the same things, you wonít know that because he doesnít talk to you. Except, apparently, either to interrupt you while youíre trying to talk or to be dismissive of what you take the trouble to write down.

And if itís really marriage you want, then I might want to warn him away from you as well. Judging from your letter, youíre pressing to formalize a relationship that flat out isnít working in some fundamental ways ó "thanks for sharing"? seriously? ó and this says youíre due to revisit your principles on commitment.

To start at the beginning is not to start dating new people because youíre 30 and getting nervous. The beginning is to get to know yourself well. The next step is to pay attention as you get to know different people ó friends, classmates, colleagues, neighbors and etc., not just dates. This is how you keep learning what does and doesnít work. If you find someone you donít want to go through life without, and itís mutual, then you decide mutually on a legal coupling status of fill-in-the-blank.

Comments
Is the annual pass worth it? As Disney changes pricing system, we help you decide

Is the annual pass worth it? As Disney changes pricing system, we help you decide

Though costly, annual passes at Disney World, Universal, Busch Gardens and other parks can sometimes be a smarter choice. You just have to know what you’re getting.
Published: 10/19/18

Tell Me About It: Tips for introverts when partners host a party

Q: Iím a borderline extrovert married to a definite introvert. I used to enjoy hosting parties/social events before we got together, but I know heís not a fan and havenít done anything for ages. I also didnít try because we lacked space when we first...
Published: 10/19/18
Riverview Chamber readies for another Trick or Treat Street

Riverview Chamber readies for another Trick or Treat Street

Annual event draws thousands to Riverview High School for seasonal fun
Published: 10/18/18

Tell Me About It: Friendship changes after sister-in-law has a baby

Iíve always had a warm and close relationship with my sister-in-law. Then, she had a baby, and everything changed. She seems to resent me if I talk about things Iím doing for fun. Sheíll say things like, "It must be nice to have that much free time,"...
Published: 10/18/18
Top things to do in Tampa Bay this week: MarineQuest, Dia de los Muertos, Brian Kilmeade and more

Top things to do in Tampa Bay this week: MarineQuest, Dia de los Muertos, Brian Kilmeade and more

Top things to do in Tampa Bay this week: MarineQuest, a Dia de los Muertos celebration and Fox co-host Brian Kilmeade.
Published: 10/17/18
5 things to do under $5 this week: Pops in the Park, Circus McGurkis

5 things to do under $5 this week: Pops in the Park, Circus McGurkis

On our list for Oct. 18-24: Free concerts in the park by the Florida Orchestra, free trolley rides in Ybor and a Native American flute gathering.
Published: 10/17/18

Tell Me About It: Friendís inability to make plans feels like ghosting

Q: A former co-worker/friend moved about an hour away several years ago. We were close, texting, talking multiple times a day. Once she moved, that slowed down to a meal a couple times a year and intermittent texts/calls.Since last year, I have been ...
Published: 10/17/18

Tell Me About It: Momís offer to help with twin newborns is rejected

Q: My son and daughter-in-law are expecting twins, their first children together ó she has older children. My husband and I have enjoyed a warm and happy relationship with them and live nearby.My son is a twin so I am fully aware of the need for extr...
Published: 10/16/18

Tell Me About It: Caring mom takes in sonís friend as part of the family

Q: My sonís best friend since middle school has been living in my guest room for a couple of months now, since his 18th birthday. His home situation has been very unstable for the past few years since his parents split up, and he bounced around their...
Published: 10/15/18
Hillsborough County Fair opens Thursday in Dover with Dollar Day admission

Hillsborough County Fair opens Thursday in Dover with Dollar Day admission

The annual event will include a mix of entertainment, agriculture
Published: 10/13/18
Updated: 10/14/18