Tell Me About It: Brother wants feedback on buzzkill girlfriend

Published October 10 2018

Q: My brother wants to know what I think about his girlfriend. I donít like her. It isnít an actionable dislike ó she isnít controlling, criminal or abusive óbut I find her boring and, worse, a boredom missionary. No hobbies, doesnít watch any TV shows, thinks fandom for anything is stupid, and doesnít have a team (in any sport!) that she supports.

Our plans to do a panic room, see a dumb movie, or eat at the weird new fusion place are all "a bit silly." Instead she just wants to do dinner at someplace deemed nice and an indie movie about sad people being sad ó fine if thatís her thing, but she never seems to enjoy it, or anything. She doesnít even like animals!

I have dodged my brotherís question, but he is pushing. The best I can think to say is that she is unobjectionable and has lovely hair (tried to ask about that ó she just washes it, "that is a bit of a silly question"). I can do the old "she makes you happy" dodge, but pretty sure my brother will see through that. Plus, do I owe it to him to point out that she obviously loves him but doesnít share an interest in anything he enjoys and probably wonít want to do any of the big-adventure-stuff holidays he has always planned? Or even get the Great Dane he has wanted since our childhood dog died?

On the other hand, he has picked her, maybe a life of gentle boredom is what adult bro is all about? I just donít know. I think if she didnít do this passive roadblock of disapproval about things she considers silly ó like, all fun stuff! ó I could appreciate her other qualities more. As it is, she just exists as this big buzzkill in my head.

A Bit Silly

A: Best description of indie movies ever.

Heís asking and asking, so answer him! Just donít make too much of it: "Sheís way too much of a grown-up for me ó but you know Iím all weird food and dog hair." Then turn it to him: "Does she make you happy? Thatís what matters. If sheís right for you, then Iíll just have to wear her down."

Something tells me youíll get the tone of this right.

Anonymous: Wow, Carolyn, not going to call out the attacks on people who like indie movies, quiet restaurants, and donít follow sports? (Which is, like, a lot of people.) Going on a tirade about how much you hate her because she enjoys different things than you is obnoxious and rude.

Carolyn: I love quiet restaurants and sad indie movies and Iíd rather sit in traffic than eat weird fusion, and I thought the letter was hilarious. Itís not our interests that make us interesting, itís our willingness to laugh at ourselves. IMO.