Saturday, September 22, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Dreading the pity to come after break up

Q: Over the past week, Iíve discovered I have a pretty bad problem to have, followed by a very good problem to have. My fiance and partner of seven years told me on Monday that he didnít think marriage (or me!) was for him, and moved out ó two months before our wedding.

My question is: How do I tell my family and friends? The few Iíve told have been suuuper supportive, but Iím embarrassed by this unwanted streak of high drama in my orderly life. Iím already dreading being "oh honey"-ed over while I want to focus on getting catering deposits returned, selling our house, and not deep-diving into self-pity.

I know Iíll need the support (and the Kleenex) when the crisis part of this is over, but for now, I feel like a kid whoís fallen out of a tree: My first instinct is to scream "IíM FINE IíM FINE IíM FINE" because attention paid to the injury will just make it hurt worse.

Is there a script for this?

Iím Fine; This Is Fine

A: Well, if experience is any measure of what you can expect, you will radiate a please-donít-oh-honey-me-ahhhhhhh aura that people with social sensors will be able to read on you pretty quickly. So thereís a chance you wonít be as fussed-over as you fear.

One way to pre-empt some of the unwanted attention by the un-socially-sensored is to deputize the people youíve already told to spread your news for you. That way you wonít have to process everyoneís initial reaction, a nice thing to cross off your list.

Iím sorry. It does sound like youíre fine youíre fine youíre fine, though, or soon will be, even through the Kleenex phase.

Anonymous: Rather than saying, "IíM FINE," which people may not believe, why not try, "Iím sad but this will pass," or even, "Iím not the first person this has happened to; Iíll recover," which is closer to the truth.

Comments

Tell Me About It: Bean-counting brother needs a lesson in kindness

Q: My sister owns a few apartment buildings and my mother lives there rent-free. My mother plans to give my sister slightly more in her will. Our brother is angry about this, he wants my sister to just charge our mother rent. My sister thinks our mom...
Published: 09/21/18
Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

13 Ugly Men Halloween PartyThese "ugly" men sure know how to party with three floors offering new tricks and treats, DJ dancing and a light show making the 10th annual Halloween party a "Party with a Purpose." Benefits Beat NB. 8 p.m. Oct. 26. Yborís...
Published: 09/19/18

Tell Me About It: Frequently displaced wife has had enough moves

Q: I have been married to my second husband for 24 years. We have a 16-year-old and I have two adult children.I have moved seven times in 17 years for his job. He didnít have to quit and take another job, but they were opportunities for him to climb ...
Published: 09/19/18
Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Spare the gore and take the kids to these family-friendly Halloween parties planned at theme parks and attractions in the coming weeks. Creatures of the Night at ZooTampa The weekend nighttime Halloween party at ZooTampa at Lowry Park returns with...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Busy couple seeks ways to downsize for the future

Q: Over a decade, my salary has tripled (Iím quite well-paid now), my work hours and responsibilities have increased, and ó because Iím so frequently tired or short on time ó my "outsourcing" has increased, too. Think: frequent takeout, a dog-walker,...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Parents want bully brother to be his best man

Q: Iím getting married. Thatís awesome. However, my parents want me to ask my brother to be my best man. The idea of letting my brother, whoís spent his whole life being the biggest jerk he can manage, stand up and give a speech about me makes me wan...
Published: 09/17/18

Tell Me About It: Mom is frustrated by teenís dislike of academics

Q: I have a 15-year-old son who is obviously bright but hates school. My husband and I canít helicopter him to success because (a) we donít want to be helicopter parents, and (b) he has developed ninja-like skills when it comes to evading any attempt...
Updated one month ago

Tell Me About It: In search of ways to stop the family over-talker

Q: During extended family get-togethers with my side of the family, there is one person who does 95 percent of the talking. When I ask someone else in the room a question about their lives, this person always jumps in and takes over the conversation ...
Updated one month ago
Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens will open Florida’s tallest launch coaster in spring 2019, company officials announced Wednesday. The triple-launch, tiger-themed roller coaster called Tigris will hurl riders 150 feet into the sky, turn them upside down and swirl...
Published: 09/12/18

Tell Me About It:

Mom-to-be decides who will join her in deliveryQ: I am six months pregnant with my first child. Iíve been fixated a bit on who to have in the delivery room with me, I think because itís one of the few elements I can control in this pregnancy. Should ...
Updated one month ago