Tuesday, September 18, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Girlfriend refuses to celebrate sobriety

Q: Iíve been in a serious relationship with someone pretty wonderful for the most part of a year. It could be the real thing. But now something has come up that has made me question it.

Iím a recovering alcoholic, and got sober with the help of my family at a time when it threatened my life. Itís been nearly nine years.

My sobriety birthday is coming up. I have an Alcoholics Anonymous home group. I have a lot of friends in the group, and Iím looking forward to my birthday meeting. I really want her to come with me, but she refuses. She doesnít think sheíll be comfortable.

The fact that she wonít spend an hour on something this important to me has me wondering what other land mines we might find in our relationship. It doesnít feel as if itís enough to break up over, but it feels like a bad omen.

Do you think this could be a sign of bigger trouble ahead?

Sober and Thankful

A: This is clearly important to you, and she wonít give it an hour? Hm. I actually think this is potentially breakup-worthy. Donít respond rashly, but donít rule anything out, either.

On top of that significant issue, though, thereís also the issue of her refusal and her excuse-making in general, and thatís where your bigger challenges might lie.

She has refused your invitation for reasons that are, respectively, the emotional equivalent of a hangnail and breezily insulting.

And that leaves you two possibilities that arenít terribly promising. Either these are her actual reasons and she freely prioritizes her hangnail over your emotional core, or she has excellent reasons and canít or wonít articulate them to you.

Or, that she just doesnít grasp how high the stakes are for you and/or you just havenít made them clear.

Spell out your concerns and ask for a reckoning: Is there more to this that she isnít saying out loud? Itíll speak volumes how, in this context, she chooses to speak for herself.

Comments
Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Spare the gore and take the kids to these family-friendly Halloween parties planned at theme parks and attractions in the coming weeks.Sharon Kennedy Wynne, Times staff writerCreatures of the Night at ZooTampa The weekend nighttime Halloween party at...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Busy couple seeks ways to downsize for the future

Q: Over a decade, my salary has tripled (Iím quite well-paid now), my work hours and responsibilities have increased, and ó because Iím so frequently tired or short on time ó my "outsourcing" has increased, too. Think: frequent takeout, a dog-walker,...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Parents want bully brother to be his best man

Q: Iím getting married. Thatís awesome. However, my parents want me to ask my brother to be my best man. The idea of letting my brother, whoís spent his whole life being the biggest jerk he can manage, stand up and give a speech about me makes me wan...
Published: 09/17/18

Tell Me About It: Mom is frustrated by teenís dislike of academics

Q: I have a 15-year-old son who is obviously bright but hates school. My husband and I canít helicopter him to success because (a) we donít want to be helicopter parents, and (b) he has developed ninja-like skills when it comes to evading any attempt...
Published: 09/14/18

Tell Me About It: In search of ways to stop the family over-talker

Q: During extended family get-togethers with my side of the family, there is one person who does 95 percent of the talking. When I ask someone else in the room a question about their lives, this person always jumps in and takes over the conversation ...
Published: 09/13/18
Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens will open Florida’s tallest launch coaster in spring 2019, company officials announced Wednesday. The triple-launch, tiger-themed roller coaster called Tigris will hurl riders 150 feet into the sky, turn them upside down and swirl...
Published: 09/12/18

Tell Me About It:

Mom-to-be decides who will join her in deliveryQ: I am six months pregnant with my first child. Iíve been fixated a bit on who to have in the delivery room with me, I think because itís one of the few elements I can control in this pregnancy. Should ...
Published: 09/12/18
Tampa’s first KittyCon is coming, and cat lovers are purring

Tampa’s first KittyCon is coming, and cat lovers are purring

Kitten Lady and the owners of Cole & Marmalade will be at KittyCon.
Published: 09/11/18

Published: 09/11/18

Tell Me About It: Momís support shouldnít sacrifice her principles

Q: My 27-year-old daughter recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend. Now she wants me to tell her Iím on her side of every dispute.Itís her life, sheís an adult: Got it. But should I really be expected to tell her she acted well when she didnít? ...
Published: 09/11/18