Tuesday, August 21, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Instead of lying, establish your boundaries

Instead of lying, establish your boundaries

Carolyn Hax is away. The following are past columns.

Q: Is it ever OK to lie to someone? What if this person is a very persistent ex-boyfriend who is asking invasive personal questions? I just got busted for lying to him and know I shouldnít have lied, but, frankly, the only way to get him out of the way was to lie.

Tempe, Ariz.

A: No, thatís a lie you told yourself.

Lying is OK in two general situations, to protect yourself or someone else from immediate danger ó e.g., your friendís abusive spouse asks if you know where your friend is ó and to protect someoneís feelings. But even then, a strategic half-truth always beats a lie. (Person who spent all day cooking you a terrible dinner: "How did you like dinner?" You: "You outdid yourself, thanks!") Situations in which itís OK to make excuses for oneís own mistakes? None.

Lying was the only easy way for you to dodge your ex. You also could have said, "I will not answer invasive personal questions, no matter how many times you ask me."

And if he didnít relent, you could have screened his calls/ignored his emails/walked away. And if he still didnít relent, you could have asked the police about anti-harassment laws.

If you want easy, just know your bounds and enforce them. Getting caught in your lie was a hint.

Friends handle coupleís drama with humor

Q: Is it cruel to take bets on when mutual friends in an on-again, off-again relationship will recover from their latest major breakup and swear undying love again? In front of them?

D.C. College

A: It is cruel to do it behind their backs. In front of them, itís encouraged.

Whatís new and whatís not at Mickeyís Not So Scary Halloween Party

Whatís new and whatís not at Mickeyís Not So Scary Halloween Party

Sweating in mid-August in Florida isnít unusual. But sweating in a Snow White costume and lining up for Halloween candy, that might be unusual. That was the scene on Friday when a sold-out crowd showed up for the first of 34 nights of Mickeyís Not So...
Published: 08/20/18

Tell Me About It: ĎStudentí wants to come clean about college

Q: Iíve pretended to go to college for almost four years when I actually dropped out my freshman year. Iíve been working as a temp since then and living "off campus." My family doesnít know since I fake my grades, account statements, everything. None...
Published: 08/20/18

Tell Me About It: Sister wonít drop suspicions about affair

Q: My sister saw my husband having dinner with a woman. This woman is someone he met at a support group for an issue he has dealt with for many years. She has become a wonderful friend to him and Iím very glad he has her in his life.However, my siste...
Published: 08/19/18

Tell Me About It: Boyfriend dropped the ball on their party

Q: My boyfriend and I hosted a party, our first joint hosting stint since moving in together a few months ago. The party was his idea, and most of our guests were his close friends.Yet he did almost nothing to help me get ready for the party. We spli...
Published: 08/17/18

Tell Me About It: Mom waffles on adding to the family

Q: My husband and I have a 5-year-old girl, and are not planning more children ó primarily because we are easily stressed, donít do well when sleep-deprived, and arenít really baby/toddler people. Our daughter was not an easy baby.Yet, I always feel ...
Published: 08/15/18

Tell Me About It: Compromise and submission: a fine line

Q: As a woman (of any age) in this postmodern, "woke" era: How does one distinguish the fine line between "compromising with" versus "submitting to" a man within a relationship?M.A: Compromise is when both people give a little to their mutual benefit...
Published: 08/14/18

Tell Me About It: Instead of monster or martyr, try ĎMomí

Q: My sister-in-law, "Mary," has always been a mess. She has two kids with two different men who never see them, donít pay child support, and she doesnít work. Mary and her children lived with my mother-in-law, "Kate," until Kate moved into a 55-plus...
Published: 08/12/18

Tell Me About It: Introverted fiancee feels trapped by family

Q: My son and his fiancee bought a condo close to us, which then flooded. They moved in with us and repairs have taken longer than anticipated.His fiancee, "Laura," is an intense introvert. For that reason, I gave up my exercise, TV and craft room fo...
Updated one month ago

Tell Me About It: Check in constantly with depressed friend

Q: I have this friend who lives close but I havenít seen in months. No one in our group of friends has seen her recently. Every time we make plans, she cancels, saying she is too sad or has been crying all day.Iím really worried. She moved here more ...
Updated one month ago

Tell Me About It: An occasional push helps to stay on track

Q: What responsibility does a wife have to push her husband to be a decent friend? For years, my husband was close with a few guys from grad school. As they got married and started families, the frequency of their get-togethers died down and the frie...
Published: 08/07/18