Saturday, October 20, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Invite snub could have been a mistake

Q: I didnít get an invitation to my friendís wedding shower.

Iím over the initial hurt and can rationalize that, perhaps, they limited the invites to just the wedding party and family, or my invite got lost in the mail, or my lack of invite was an oversight.

If either of the latter two are correct, I donít want my friend to think I ignored the invitation. Is there any way to address this? Iíve been helping her with some wedding things, I was one of the first she told she was engaged, Iím invited to the wedding, etc. ó it really seems like I would have been invited. I just had lunch with her, and she talked about the shower but didnít ask me why I didnít come.

For what itís worth, her sister was in charge, and it was a bit of a disaster due to lack of planning, the sisterís martyrdom, and more. Itís entirely possible I was overlooked by mistake. What can I do?

Uninvited

A: "I just had lunch with her, and she talked about the shower" ó ayyy. That was your best opportunity to mention it, because having the other person bring it up for you is always the best opportunity ó it spares you the awkward jumping-in. "Iím just going to be blunt, youíre talking about the shower as if I were part of it, but I wasnít invited. Was that on purpose?"

You can still ask this, but youíll either have to bring up the topic yourself or wait till she brings it up again. It gets odder and therefore more difficult as time passes, thus the missed opportunity.

Or, take the far less dramatic path: Just treat the sisterís disastrous party-planning skills as all the explanation you need ó because they are ó and say nothing.

Even if either worst-case is true, that your friend left you out on purpose or that you were supposed to be invited and your friend thinks you were a no-show: You just had a friendly lunch, so whatever either of you feels isnít dire.

The deciding factor is whether you can stay on the same terms with this friend as before. If no, then speak, if yes, then let it go.

Comments
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