Monday, December 11, 2017
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Parents think she can get sister to move out

Parents think she can get sister to move out

Q: My sister, "Sarah," is turning 30 soon. Except during college, she has lived with my parents rent-free her entire life. I have always taken the stance of, "Itís my parentsí and sisterís business what they do," and never brought it up.

Sarah is a kind, warm and loving person, but either due to circumstances, anxiety or lack of motivation (Iím not sure), she has remained in the same low-paying, entry-level job for the last eight years. Recently both of my parents have come separately to ask me to "talk to your sister" and encourage her to move out, but they refuse to confront her directly.

I would ask her to move in with me, but I share a one-bedroom apartment with my fiance.

What should I do?

Conflicted in the Midwest

A: Donít throw out an excellent stance just because your parents asked you to.

This is your parentsí and sisterís business.

You also donít know whether Sarah needs help. She could be happy in her job and content with the simplicity of her life, not to mention completely unaware the contentment isnít mutual. You wonít know otherwise until your parents talk to her ó as it is absolutely their job to do.

Such a conversation is likely to reveal whether Sarah has been cemented in place by a problem versus a preference, because sheíll either falter or just move out. Even then, the time to help her is when she asks you to, unless sheís plainly in trouble.

One thing you can do is something sibs in healthy families do as a matter of course: Ask about plans and hopes and dreams. Not in a judgy way ó in an I-care-and-Iím-curious kind of way. "Milestone-birthday time .?.?. how are you doing, feeling, managing these days?"

Your chances of getting good answers to loving inquiry, by the way, are inversely proportional to your certainty that only one path through life will do.

Comments

Tell Me About It: Parentsí extreme sheltering feels creepy

Parentsí extreme sheltering feels creepyQ: My daughter, 11, has three friends from school. One girlís parents are generous hosts. "Emma" is an only child and has a pool, fun toys, great snacks.The problem is that Emmaís parents donít let Emma be a gu...
Published: 12/10/17
Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of Dec. 11-17

Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of Dec. 11-17

Katy Perry: The Teenage Dream songstress roars into Tampaís Amalie Arena on Friday ($45.75-$195.75). amaliearena.com. Hanukkah: The Festival of Lights begins Tuesday, bringing fun celebrations including Hanukkah in the City at the Sundial St. Petersb...
Published: 12/08/17
Updated: 12/10/17
Wild weather expected, 2 boat parades canceled

Wild weather expected, 2 boat parades canceled

Boat parades that were planned tonight in South Pasadena and St. Pete Beach have been canceled because of weather fears.Organizers said they will not be rescheduled. Heavy rain is expected to approach the gulf coast near sunset Friday ahead of a stro...
Published: 12/08/17
Fun and profound Hanukkah celebrations around the Tampa Bay area

Fun and profound Hanukkah celebrations around the Tampa Bay area

It’s time to observe the Festival of Lights, starting at sunset Tuesday and ending Dec. 20. Many congregations seem to be having a great time, because Hanukkah celebrations this year are hilarious. There’s a menorah made of fidget spinne...
Published: 12/08/17
From Hogwarts Castle to your home, digital projectors give a real light show

From Hogwarts Castle to your home, digital projectors give a real light show

At night, Hogwarts Castle is suddenly dusted with snow in steamy Florida. It’s not really snow, but light causing this trick of the eye. Projectors and sophisticated software then send ghosts across the castle towers. A turret spins and turns i...
Published: 12/08/17

Tell Me About It: Self-awareness best way to break bad habit

Self-awareness best way to break bad habitQ: I recently had a friend tell me that I have become arrogant since I entered a new career in which thereís a culture of snobbery and one-upping.I was defensive, and would really have liked to believe she wa...
Published: 12/08/17

Tell Me About It: Exís attempt to make amends falls flat

Exís attempt to make amends falls flatQ: My first love e-mailed me out of the blue, after 10 years, to make amends as part of his AA program. The lengthy e-mail detailed my exís love for me, regrets, and urged me to consider a phone call or FaceTime ...
Published: 12/07/17
Three shades of comedy this week: Game Grumps Live, Harlem Globetrotters, Liberal Redneck comedy tour

Three shades of comedy this week: Game Grumps Live, Harlem Globetrotters, Liberal Redneck comedy tour

VIDEO STARS: Game Grumps LiveYou thought video game players were wasting their time, but these days professional players are packing stadiums and making more money than youíll ever see. They also give us hilarious shows like Game Grumps Live, coming...
Published: 12/06/17
Updated: 12/08/17

Tell Me About It: Remarks about food choices grow tiresome

Remarks about food choices grow tiresomeQ: Iím going on vacation soon with my in-laws, siblings-in-laws, and their spouses. Over the last few years, Iíve been working on eating fewer unhealthy foods like bread and dairy, and as a result I feel much b...
Published: 12/06/17
A guide to holiday events at Disney, Universal, Busch Gardens and more theme parks

A guide to holiday events at Disney, Universal, Busch Gardens and more theme parks

Instead of shoveling snow, Christmas in Florida means celebrating the holiday season in shorts and T-shirts at theme parks and local attractions. Some parks even haul in “snow” for an authentic holiday vibe. While the last two weeks of t...
Published: 12/06/17