Readers talk, kids, in-laws and adoption
On child-rearing, especially through difficult phases:
D: Rather than "teaching" children, I think parents should actually see their children as their teachers.
All of us are different and we should not expect to "know" our children; they have to teach us their strengths, and weaknesses.
Actually, parents should see their role as persevering "gold diggers" -- looking for the nuggets of gold in their childrenís unique personalities.
On being the outlaw to your in-laws:
S: I was 20 when I married into a family of crazies. (Too young to know it at the time.)
You probably did what I did. You married into a family where his mom and his sister are more important than you are. Period. All you can do is accept that. If heís a great guy and you can live with it; thatís all you can do.
Be polite and be the great person you are. Never give them any ammunition. I also suggest copious amounts of alcohol at the family dinners.
Your husband is never going to stand up to them. Sorry.
On knee-jerk, "You could always adopt!" suggestions:
Adoptive Mama: My husband and I did adopt. After about a year of trying to conceive, we turned to adoption and brought home our precious little boy a whirlwind 10 months later.
Hereís the catch: Adopting did very little to alleviate my deep-seated yearning to conceive and carry a child. I would never, in a million years, suggest this path as an attempted "cure" to the heartbreak of infertility. It doesnít work.
We adopted because weíve always been called to adopt. Nothing more, nothing less. It was part of our life-plan, biological children or not. That path is separate from our painful path of infertility, which we still walk.