Monday, November 19, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: ‘Rough patch’ doesn’t excuse rudeness

‘Rough patch’ does not excuse rudeness

Q: My friend is going through a rough patch. Some of her friends have tossed her aside. She’s having problems at work and then trying to juggle things with a new guy. She turns to me and I’m happy to try to help or just be there to listen.

But she often demurs on plans and always prefaces things with how no one else was available or how someone bailed. I want to be there for her, but how do I explain to her that minimizing my friendship like that hurts?

Second Choice

A: Certainly you can be sensitive and not, say, belabor a topic that is obviously uncomfortable for her to talk about — but when you start suppressing who you are and what you feel because she’s anxious, you’re crossing the boundary into making her problems your own. So stop.

So, be there for her by being you for her. Explain that when she repeatedly blows you off, you feel slighted and demoralized. Her actions have consequences, and unless she is clinically depressed and/or the "rough patch" is life-and-death serious, it doesn’t give her license to treat you like crap.

And even when it is life-and-death or major-depression serious, the license is limited to, "She is in no position to think clearly," and whatever that fact can reasonably excuse.

Honesty with one’s self begets contentment

Q: Based on all the questions you see, is there any one nugget of advice you would give to everyone to be happier and to find their own inner solutions to problems?

In General

A: Be honest with yourself about who you are — the good and bad in balance. You’ll make better decisions, for one, about everything. And you’ll be more mindful of having one set of standards by which you judge both yourself and others, which in turn will make you more open-minded, less judgmental and all around on better terms with your surroundings.

Comments
Top things to do in Tampa Bay for Nov. 20

Top things to do in Tampa Bay for Nov. 20

The classical crossover group Il Divo takes the stage and it’s $10 Tuesday at the James Museum.
Updated: 12 hours ago

Tell Me About It: Miscommunication at the heart of couple’s break up

Q: I recently broke up with my girlfriend, who had been saying repeatedly of our relationship, "This isn’t working." She was referring to things like, we don’t live close enough to each other to make getting together quick and easy, and that our fina...
Published: 11/19/18

Tell Me About It: She’s rethinking attending ex-husband’s wedding

Q: I married my high-school sweetheart when we were both 25 — not because we were soul mates or even particularly happy together, but because we were imagination-lacking, co-dependent and afraid to let go. We stayed married for three years before I f...
Published: 11/18/18
Activist threw a fisherman’s catch back into the lake. Now, he has to pay.

Activist threw a fisherman’s catch back into the lake. Now, he has to pay.

A man who threw a fisherman’s tilapia back into Crescent Lake will pay a $500 fine and court costs after a judge found him guilty of depriving dinner.
Published: 11/16/18

Tell Me About It: Spouse flirts with woman in their friend group

Q: A woman in our set of friends initiates touching and chumminess with my husband, who returns it, but not in a serious way. We know from this woman’s parents that she is in a long-term affair with a married man.I don’t believe my husband will go be...
Published: 11/16/18
Out of the circus business, Feld aims to get into theme parks

Out of the circus business, Feld aims to get into theme parks

With the Ringling circus shuttered, the Palmetto-based entertainment company looks to expand into the attractions industry.
Published: 11/15/18

Tell Me About It: Husband helps with big kids, but not the babies

Q: So about four years ago, my husband and I decided to have another set of babies. Our older two were 9 and 7 at the time and my husband and I were very young when we had them — 23 and 20 — so we thought we’d have another go at babydom. This was aft...
Published: 11/15/18
Disney unveils plans for ‘Guardians of Galaxy’ coaster, high-tech robots

Disney unveils plans for ‘Guardians of Galaxy’ coaster, high-tech robots

At an amusement park industry trade show, a Disney executive hails the next generation of animatronics.
Published: 11/14/18
Updated: 11/15/18
A giant LED robot joins Chillounge and Cedric the Entertainer leads a comedy tour. Plus, NPR’s popular Science Friday and a new circus.

A giant LED robot joins Chillounge and Cedric the Entertainer leads a comedy tour. Plus, NPR’s popular Science Friday and a new circus.

Top things to do in Tampa Bay this weekend: Chillounge, comedy, Science Friday and more.
Published: 11/14/18
Top things to do in Tampa Bay for Nov. 15

Top things to do in Tampa Bay for Nov. 15

Finalists from ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ will bring a live show.
Published: 11/14/18