Wednesday, May 23, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Sister may take offense to generous offer

Sister may take offense to generous offer

Q: My sister attends school overseas and lives with her boyfriend. My parents recently told me she can’t make it home for the holidays this year because she’s on a student budget.

I’m in a position to pay for my sister and her boyfriend to come and would like to offer that to them, no strings attached.

The thing is, I’m afraid of ruffling feathers. My sister’s been historically sensitive to measures of success between us, and I’d hate to have her feel like I’m flaunting wealth while she’s strapped, and I’m afraid my parents would be embarrassed if I paid and they didn’t offer. Suggestions?

Helping

A: Offer to go visit her for the holidays.

And tell your parents you’re doing it, in case they want to join in.

That way you’re using your money only on you, which is so much easier on everyone’s feathers. If for any reason it’s not what your sister or parents want, then they can simply decline your offer. (Yes, simply.)

If your going there (or even flying her to you at this point) isn’t feasible, then offer instead to visit her at a better time in the near future. That makes it clear being together is the thing, and you’re willing to devote your time and energy to that. An opening move that "flaunts" love, not money, sets the tone for everything else.

Exes sleep together at their own peril

Q: Is it really that bad of an idea to have sex with my ex-husband? We disagree about having kids so we got divorced. Neither of us is enjoying dating (it has been a few years since the split) nor looking for a relationship. What is the harm?

Sleeping With My Ex

A: I’m never going to tell someone, "Don’t join a bomb-disposal unit because you might get blown up," because, duh.

What I say instead is, "Join a bomb-disposal unit if that’s what you want to do — just go into it knowing you might get blown up."

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