Monday, June 18, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Weight loss encouragement is about looks

Weight loss encouragement is about looks

Q: Do you have suggestions on whether and how to encourage a partner to lose weight? We’ve talked about it a bit in terms of improving his health, but in terms of heart rate/blood pressure/previous illnesses he’s healthier than I am. So I feel bad that much of my motivation is just wanting to be more physically attracted to him. Especially as he’s never made me question his attraction to me, and my body’s undergone a lot of negative changes (medical).

I guess I don’t know how honest to be. And then regardless of motivations, do you have suggestions on how to encourage healthy eating? When I cook a healthy meal and then he follows it with an unhealthy snack, I can’t help but be annoyed, which I know is not helpful.

Talking About Weight

A: Maybe it is, though. Overeating and inactivity can eventually limit mobility, which then can limit a couple’s quality of life — and even push the healthier partner into a difficult, draining, resentful caregiving role.

So I see it as a duty that comes with life partnership to stick to a basic level of self-maintenance expressly to avoid placing a foreseeable burden on one’s mate.

That said: It’s disingenuous to talk health when your issue is attraction. I’m glad you’re being honest with yourself — now push past the "I shouldn’t feel this way!" barrier.

The downside of just wanting him hotter is that you have no standing to push for it. The upside is that you can release yourself of the obligation of trying to fix him.

There is something to that. It’s so easy to take on other people’s problems as our own that we sometimes fail to see how stressful that is. "I can’t fix this" is a small step with big impact.

Cross off everything that isn’t part of just being healthy yourself. Buy and prepare good foods, be active, invite him along.

New relationships are about having what you love. Settled-in ones lean toward loving what you have — helpful to keep in mind no matter what you do next.

Comments

Tell Me About It: After years of depression, a diagnosis

Q: I’m 33 and have dealt with depression on and off since my adolescence. I grew up in a household with every kind of abuse you can think of, but I didn’t start seeking help until my early 20s via talk therapy, and cut ties entirely with my abusers. ...
Published: 06/17/18
Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of June 18-24

Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of June 18-24

St. Pete Pride: One of the largest Pride celebration in the Southeast happens this weekend, bringing a rainbow of activities. Things set off on Friday with the free SP2 Concert at North Straub Park, hosted by Coco Montrese of RuPaul’s Drag Race and f...
Published: 06/15/18
Updated: 06/16/18

Tell Me About It: Pregnancy news confirms estrangement

Q: I just found out my son and his wife are going to be parents. I’m very excited and somewhat confused and a little hurt: She’s seven months along. I don’t know why the long wait to tell me. They live in another state, and I haven’t seen them in abo...
Published: 06/15/18

Tell Me About It: Sister must face her poor choices in men

Q: Last night, I received my umpteenth call from my sobbing, devastated sister (mid-20s) over yet another semi-hookup-flirty-thing guy that didn’t work out. He is moving away and she found out via an announcement at work, not from him.This is a years...
Published: 06/15/18
High-tech nighttime lagoon show coming to Universal Orlando this summer

High-tech nighttime lagoon show coming to Universal Orlando this summer

A gliding, wraith-like figure of a Dementor from the Harry Potter films enters Central Park, and the exteriors of the surrounding buildings immediately are covered in a layer of ice, a sign of their power to drain happiness out of the air around them...
Published: 06/14/18
Things to do this weekend: Father’s Day, Maroon 5, The Illusionists, Mr. Rogers film, fireworks at Busch Gardens

Things to do this weekend: Father’s Day, Maroon 5, The Illusionists, Mr. Rogers film, fireworks at Busch Gardens

HolidayFather’s Day: Sunday brings us a day to honor the guy who cheered us on, called us down and blamed us for his bald spot. It’s Father’s Day! A number of local attractions are offering free admission for dads if at least one ungrateful progeny t...
Published: 06/14/18

Tell Me About It: Group resists suggestion of sober vacation

Q: I have a friend I have known since high school who has recently been in recovery for drinking. He is about six weeks into an outpatient system and has been doing well. A group of friends including my friend in recovery have been going on two campi...
Published: 06/14/18
Top things to do this week: Father’s Day freebies, Summer Circus Spectacular, Gelatin Plunge

Top things to do this week: Father’s Day freebies, Summer Circus Spectacular, Gelatin Plunge

NOTE: This item has been updated to reflect the correct start time of 7 p.m.SQUISHY: Gelatin PlungeRaise money for a cancer charity and you, too, could plummet down a slide into more than 2,000 gallons of orange gelatin before a party with live music...
Published: 06/13/18
Updated: 06/15/18
‘Incredibles 2’ just might be better than the original — and a cure to superhero fatigue

‘Incredibles 2’ just might be better than the original — and a cure to superhero fatigue

It’s been 14 years since the premiere of Brad Bird’s beloved animated superhero film The Incredibles, one of the mega-hit Pixar films that cemented its reputation for film humor and heart that would satisfy both parents and children. With cool mid-ce...
Published: 06/13/18
This week’s best Tampa Bay concerts: Maroon 5, Joan Jett, Styx and more

This week’s best Tampa Bay concerts: Maroon 5, Joan Jett, Styx and more

MANY VOICES: Maroon 5Remember when Adam Levine crooned the hook on Kanye West’s 2005 single Heard ’Em Say? Feels like a lifetime ago; it’s hard to imagine ’Ye and the Maroon 5 frontman booking studio time together in 2018. Or at least, it would be, i...
Published: 06/13/18