Tell Me About It:

Published September 12 2018

Mom-to-be decides who will join her in delivery

Q: I am six months pregnant with my first child. Iíve been fixated a bit on who to have in the delivery room with me, I think because itís one of the few elements I can control in this pregnancy. Should it just be my husband, or should I invite my mom too?

In favor of my mom ó we have a close relationship, she is over the moon about her first grandchild, and she is good in a crisis situation. She is a good advocate in speaking with doctors.

The argument against ó she tends to get so over-excited about me and my life that she inserts herself too much into my lifeís events.

She found out last year that my best friend was throwing me a surprise birthday party and offered to help, then ended up planning the whole thing herself. However, there have been other milestones when she wasnít like this.

My husband is 100 percent supportive of what I decide. Is there another angle?

In the Room

A: Husband only. Youíre co-stars in this story, period. Others might be helpful or joyful companions along the way, even essential at times, but theyíre supporting players at best.

Iíd say this even if your mom were a boundaried support goddess. Just that youíre on the fence about extras means spouse only ó but a mom with a history of taking over? The day your husband officially becomes a father does not need to start like that.

Plus, the way for people to be good with crises and doctor advocacy is for them to actually do it. For their own spouses and children. Show your husband you trust him in this role.

Does this mean no oneís ever right to have their mom in there? No. Everyone should do whatís right under the specific circumstances. But your specific circumstances include an overmomming mom and a perfectly capable co-parent. Husband only. She can visit right after.

Intruiging comment is best left in the past

Q: On my wedding day, my best guy friend ó who was in the wedding ó came up to me afterward and told me he loved me. I could tell it was very emotional for him to say that, but I assumed he just meant he was happy for us.

Itís years later now, weíre both happily married to other people, and Iím quite curious what he meant by that. Is there harm in asking him what he meant? It would just satisfy a long-held curiosity Iíve had. On the other hand, best to let sleeping dogs lie, right?

Probably a Dumb Question

A: Right.

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