Saturday, May 26, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Boyfriend's 'Playboy' subscription raises some questions for her

Adapted from recent online discussions.

Girlie magazines a source of mild concern for girlfriend

Q: I do not know why I am so perturbed by my boyfriend's subscription to Playboy magazine — bought before he met me. We are not young, we're in our late 50s. He has volunteered to throw away issues that will still be coming. I am happy about that. If he no longer wants the magazine because he has me, then we are in a good place.

But I have a few reservations about what the man's mind-set is, and I do not know how to analyze the situation. I will not badger him, or be controlling. I just want to have confidence that he is not interested sexually in other women. Words of wisdom, please?

Anonymous

A: Playboy. Almost quaint.

Every sexually interested soul on earth is interested sexually in people besides their mates.

Also, the connection between "wants the magazine" and "he has me" is more imagined than real. It's not as if people gawk only when they're between sex partners; it's a source of pleasure independent of sex. If he's not compulsive and can do without the mags because you don't like them, then that's about as good an offer as he's in a position to make.

That applies as a larger point, too: The only assurance available to you, or anyone, is that the person you love won't act on outside sexual interests — and that's not an assurance you can simply demand of someone or receive through a commitment or a canceled subscription. That assurance is available in one form only: by choosing someone who shares your belief in monogamy, and who has both integrity and impulse control.

Again — you can't assume blinders go on just because you're committed to each other.

Also know that, in this particular case, you and he differ on values in a way that can be minor or serious, depending on the intensity of each of your beliefs: He has no problem with sexy images and the buzz he gets from them, and you do.

People on both sides of the issue can probably agree that you both have to make peace with the other's beliefs for this relationship to work, because even if he shreds his girlie mags, he'll still be a guy who doesn't think they're wrong to have around.

Attend weddings for the people, not the perks

Q: Would you attend a wedding with no alcohol? Would it matter if the couple were in recovery, versus trying to save money?

No Alcohol

A: Of course I'd attend, and have. I go for the couple, not the menu or the rationale behind it.

Belated contribution is still a welcome one

Q: How late do you think is too late to send a contribution to the identified charity in honor of, say, a friend's parent? I'm good about sending sympathy cards and being supportive, but I have a knack for forgetting to make a contribution until so much time (sometimes years) has passed it seems worse to do it than to just let it go. Any thoughts?

Memorial Contributor

A: There's no point at which it's "worse to do it than to just let it go." If anything, a belated contribution sends the important message that the loved one is still on your mind — possibly just as your friend was thinking everyone had moved on.

Comments
With makeover, ZooTampa at Lowry Park takes a page from the theme parks

With makeover, ZooTampa at Lowry Park takes a page from the theme parks

TAMPA — Behind the construction walls near the carousel at ZooTampa at Lowry Park, hammers, saws and power drills made a racket in the blazing Friday heat. A raft full of 100-pound water jugs took test trips on the new Roaring Springs ride set ...
Published: 05/25/18

Tell Me About It: Half sister worries about wedding drama

Half sister worries about wedding drama"target="_blank">Half sister worries about wedding dramaQ: I really want to go to my half-sisterís wedding, but I donít want to start trouble with her dad, who hates me. He might cause a scene if I go.My mom ch...
Published: 05/25/18
An all-ages playlist of the summer songs of 2018? It can be done

An all-ages playlist of the summer songs of 2018? It can be done

Recently I was asked to create a playlist for a summer beach party. An opportunity to procrastinate and mess around on Spotify for a few hours? Yeah, totally, when can I start?I like playlists that are diverse, not just in terms of genre (pop, hip-ho...
Published: 05/24/18
9 things to do indoors on this rainy Memorial Day weekend

9 things to do indoors on this rainy Memorial Day weekend

We've got you covered. Get it?
Published: 05/24/18

Tell Me About It: Busy mom wants to check her priorities

Q: As a mother of three young kids holding a full-time job and with a husband who frequently works late evenings and some weekends, I feel my priorities change according to what is in front of me at the time, then Iím reconsidering my choices later.H...
Published: 05/24/18
Top things to do for the week of May 28-June 3.

Top things to do for the week of May 28-June 3.

Shania Twain: Canadian country pop princess makes a comeback at the Amalie Arena in Tampa on Saturday ($36.20-$156.20).Memorial Day: Thereís plenty of ways to celebrate today, including the Treasure Island Memorial Day Parade that steps off at 9 a.m....
Updated: 4 hours ago
Top things to do for Memorial Day weekend in Tampa Bay: Concerts, festivals and memorials

Top things to do for Memorial Day weekend in Tampa Bay: Concerts, festivals and memorials

Our editors' picks for things to do this weekend.
Published: 05/25/18
Top things to do this weekend: Margarita Festival, Rays’ Kiermaier as Star Wars figure, Nintinder

Top things to do this weekend: Margarita Festival, Rays’ Kiermaier as Star Wars figure, Nintinder

LIME TIME: Tampa Bay Margarita Festival This year, there are twice the bartenders and a new RFID wristband system for less waiting at the two-day Tampa Bay Margarita Festival with a margarita flavor for every taste. Music headliners are the Wallflow...
Published: 05/23/18
John Fogerty, coming to Clearwater, isn’t backing down on protest songs, Parkland and #MeToo

John Fogerty, coming to Clearwater, isn’t backing down on protest songs, Parkland and #MeToo

It’s been 50 years since John Fogerty wrote Fortunate Son, one of the most scathing protest songs from the Vietnam War era. Writing another one with that kind of impact has been a challenge ever since. "Back in the ’80s, I had a couple o...
Published: 05/23/18
What's in theaters this week: 'Solo: A Star Wars Story,' Art and Short Film Mini-Fest

What's in theaters this week: 'Solo: A Star Wars Story,' Art and Short Film Mini-Fest

OPENING FRIDAY: SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY Alden Ehrenreich stars as a young Han Solo navigating the underworld and meeting his forever wingman Chewbacca and his scoundrel buddy Lando Calrissian (Donald Glover). With Emilia Clarke, Thandie Newton, Woo...
Published: 05/23/18