Thursday, June 21, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Compromise with parents may make vegetarian wedding easier

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Vegetarian wedding may need compromise with parents

Q: My fiance and I are vegetarians and would like to have a vegetarian wedding. We don't want to spend money purchasing meat or fish, and feel that a celebration of our union and the home we are making together should not have meat or fish in it.

My parents vehemently disagree, complaining that it's rude to impose our dietary restriction on our guests, that many older guests do not like the mainstays of vegetarian cuisine (cheese and legumes), and that my father's dietary need for non-acidic foods requires some meat or fish at the event (tomatoes and eggplant are out).

Our response is that our guests will not suffer if forced to dine on quiche and risotto for an evening, and the caterer can make sure that a majority of dishes have a low acid content.

This is not satisfactory to them. They are contributing some money to the wedding, but we expect to pay for most of it, if that matters. What should we do?

Anonymous

A: Start working with a caterer on a vegetarian meal, and (within reason) allow your parents to weigh in on the menu. Tell them this is your compromise — that you will work with them to make sure the guests are fed amply without violating your principles.

As for the "It's rude to impose your restrictions on guests" issue, I believe the range of food permissible within a vegetarian diet is broad enough to satisfy all, allowing me to duck the question of whether the guests' comfort trumps the hosts' principles. I believe it's a case-by-case call, depending on both the principles and (dis)comfort involved for the guests.

I also believe that when people are being unreasonable — say, by declaring they can't endure even one meal without meat — then the balance automatically tips in favor of the opposing side.

Man's injection ritual won't disrupt wedding; accept it

Q: My daughter is getting married in the fall. My oldest and dearest friend and her husband will be attending the wedding. He has had diabetes for about five years and injects insulin a couple of times a day to keep it under control. It is common practice for him to inject the insulin at the table when we dine out, which I've never been comfortable with because he's not subtle about it. Instead, he makes a big show of holding up the syringe, flicking it to remove air bubbles, and then pulls up his shirt and injects himself. My friend (his wife) is adamant that since this is a medical issue, he shouldn't have to refrain from dinner-table injections.

I have chosen to accept this during casual dinners, when it's just us, but I do not want it happening at the wedding, and I'm fairly confident it will. Is there any way I can approach my friend without damaging our relationship?

How Do I "Inject" My Concern?

A: No. Just accept this as one of the many things you can't control about people. It will not collapse the tent.

Comments
Big concerts this weekend: Luke Bryan, Hall and Oates, Weezer, Logic and more

Big concerts this weekend: Luke Bryan, Hall and Oates, Weezer, Logic and more

HIS KIND OF NIGHT: Luke BryanItís been three long years since Tampa has seen the well-groomed hide of Luke Bryan, the Hollywoodiest hunk in Nashville. But heís about to make up for lost time. On Saturday heíll headline his biggest-ever show here, a b...
Published: 06/20/18
Top things to do this week: Go Skateboarding Day, Hollywood medium Tyler Henry

Top things to do this week: Go Skateboarding Day, Hollywood medium Tyler Henry

Tyler Henry: Hollywood MediumTyler Henry, the so-called Hollywood Medium who stars in an eponymous E! hit show, is coming to town with a live show called "Life Lessons I Have Learned From the Departed." The soft-spoken 22-year-old has done readings f...
Published: 06/20/18
5 things to do under $5: USF Summer Plant Festival, Bridal Show, free show by AnastasiaMax

5 things to do under $5: USF Summer Plant Festival, Bridal Show, free show by AnastasiaMax

1 Summer Plant Festival: If you think you canít get anything to thrive in Floridaís brutal summers, check out the vendors with fruit trees and advice on how to grow them, along with hundreds of blooming butterfly plants, herbs and tropical and exotic...
Published: 06/20/18

Tell Me About It: Wife punished after being victimized

Q: At a work happy hour, a male co-worker groped me. He later "apologized" with the qualification that I had been sending him mixed signals.Iím married, he has met my husband, Iíve never led him on. And when it happened I was incredibly clear that it...
Published: 06/20/18
Your guide to St. Pete Pride: What's changed for 2018

Your guide to St. Pete Pride: What's changed for 2018

Pride weekend kicks off in St. Petersburg Friday with a free concert hosted by a RuPaul’s Drag Race star, a parade along the downtown waterfront on Saturday and an expanded expo of vendors and art on Sunday in the Grand Central District that ga...
Published: 06/19/18

Tell Me About It: Mom/daughter dynamic feels controlling

Q: I am afraid I may be a controlling mom of my young adult daughter, but we have a dynamic in which she seeks me out often, solicits my advice, and makes me too important in her life. I admit to offering that advice because it is hard for me to draw...
Published: 06/19/18

Tell Me About It: Regretting staying too long in bad romance

Q: I recently broke up with someone after two years. Even though there were things that bothered me while we were together, I would convince myself I was overreacting, he didnít really mean it, etc.Now that itís over, I feel like a fool for not havin...
Published: 06/18/18

Tell Me About It: After years of depression, a diagnosis

Q: Iím 33 and have dealt with depression on and off since my adolescence. I grew up in a household with every kind of abuse you can think of, but I didnít start seeking help until my early 20s via talk therapy, and cut ties entirely with my abusers. ...
Published: 06/17/18
Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of June 18-24

Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of June 18-24

St. Pete Pride: One of the largest Pride celebration in the Southeast happens this weekend, bringing a rainbow of activities. Things set off on Friday with the free SP2 Concert at North Straub Park, hosted by Coco Montrese of RuPaul’s Drag Race...
Published: 06/15/18
Updated: 06/18/18

Tell Me About It: Pregnancy news confirms estrangement

Q: I just found out my son and his wife are going to be parents. Iím very excited and somewhat confused and a little hurt: Sheís seven months along. I donít know why the long wait to tell me. They live in another state, and I havenít seen them in abo...
Updated one month ago