Tell Me About It | by Carolyn Hax

Daughter must convince parents she believes in husband

Daughter must convince parents she believes in husband

Q: So, my parents hate my husband of seven years. They think he is a total dufus, plans and dreams too much about future projects instead of "growing up," etc. I see the same things in him, but honestly, they don't bother me. I know that when he talks about having his own restaurant someday, he's not running out and leaving his job to do this tomorrow.

My parents are civil to him, but when I am alone with them there is much eye-rolling, etc. I have stopped telling them stuff about my husband. I am very close to my parents — or used to be — and my husband is a decent, smart, kind, funny guy. How do I cope with the negative remarks?

Va.

A: Have you told your parents specifically that you no longer feel close to them because of their attitude toward your husband? Have you said you know he's a dreamer, but aren't bothered by it, because you love him and know he's also responsible?

You may eventually end up distancing yourself, but it would be unfortunate to do that before laying everything out for your parents. At least then you know they had a choice, and chose to alienate you. That's painful, but less likely to gnaw at you (and torture them) than if you pulled away with no explanation.

By the way — if your parents go to restaurants, then they have no business criticizing people who want to open restaurants. It's a risky business, sure, but not everyone enters it rashly. For what it's worth.



Advice

Daughter must convince parents she believes in husband 06/06/08 [Last modified: Tuesday, November 8, 2011 1:21pm]

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