Scientists come up with the darnedest discoveries.
I find the latest to be somewhat amusing, but also infuriating and chauvinistic — and I'm not buying it.
The "finding," as published recently in the Journal of Family Psychology, is this: The happiest-married couples are those made up of a woman whose man is less attractive than she.
The study involved nearly seven dozen couples married less than a year. The scientists concluded that women look for a man to help them procreate, while men (big surprise here, ladies) basically seek out youth and attractiveness in a mate.
Oh, and the scientists — a majority of them male, I'm going to assume — say their findings suggest wives are more likely to be unhappy with a husband who is as attractive or better-looking than she is.
How convenient for all the men out there. How depressing for us.
I mean, what are we to take away from this scientifically earth-shattering study?
That women should be content to have a less-attractive husband?
That at the same time, we should keep ourselves young and pretty — or risk having hubby become "unhappy" and go out to seek a different young and pretty woman?
And if so, why did we need a scientific study to just confirm the wandering-eye tendencies of men?
Overreaction, party of one. Your table is ready. But wait! Gloria Allred just showed up, too, so you don't have to sit alone.
Shannon, this phenomenon is nothing science had to prove. I see it every day. But before you go quoting your copy of Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique, pick up my new paperback: Men are from Mars, Women are From Some Place Quite Neurotic and Insecure. I consulted Julia Roberts, Paulina Porizkova and Jennifer Lopez on it.
The fact is, nobody, regardless of gender, likes the opposite sex eyeball-humping his or her mate. And let's face it, we all get a bit insecure when our lover's eye wanders, as it will, to the stud or dime-piece on the other side of the street, where the grass is supposedly greener. It's only natural.
However, women tend to worry more about their handsome husband or bountiful boyfriend leaving them for another — something I mostly attribute to the fact that y'all read too many damn gossip mags.
Suggestion! Read up on the love lives of Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump (both pretty ugly) instead, and you'll see it's not a golden rule.
In general, men (especially attractive ones) retain their allure as they age. So forgive us if we're not drooling over Janet Reno and Rhea Perlman.
That said, maybe Jimmy Soul is onto something when he sang: "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife."