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If you can't accept that boyfriend refuses to take a break from Facebook, move on

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

If boyfriend won't take a break from Facebook, then break up

Anonymous: My live-in boyfriend is constantly on his cell phone checking Facebook. Mid-conversation, mid-argument, watching TV, in the car, at the restaurant table, last thing before sleeping and first thing when waking up, among many other times. I find it incredibly annoying and rude, and it also makes me wonder why I'm not interesting enough to hold his attention. Is there an effective way to handle this? Nothing I've tried so far has worked.

Carolyn: Break up with him.

If you do not enjoy your time with him anymore, if you've spelled this out for him, if you've said why and what he can do to fix the problem, and if he has not made any changes, then it's time either to accept him this way or end the relationship.

Re: Facebook addict

Anonymous 2: She might also ask him to get evaluated for Attention Deficit Disorder.

Carolyn: Meaning, he doesn't feel as if he gets enough attention, so he trawls for it on Facebook?

It is a good thought, thank you, since ADD/ADHD could involve poor impulse control, which could involve unchecked impulses to check his phone. However, I detect a whiff of unrepentance here, and if he's not even feeling bad about being rude to his girlfriend, then that's disrespectful, and respect deficits aren't the kind that respond to medication.

Trying to give nontraditional love a good name

I just got married (two women) and am not sure how to introduce my better half. "Partner" seems like we are in business together; "lover" seems like all we do is have sex; "girlfriend" seems like we are in high school; and "wife," well, seems a little strange. We have been together for 15 years, so this is not a new issue for me. Thanks.

Carolyn: "Wife" is the way to go; it's true and gets the job done without coyness or fuss. I get that it seems a little strange, but that's true of every newly married couple.

There actually aren't a lot of situations where you need to specify. Most of the time we talk to people who won't become part of our lives permanently, so the nature of the relationship doesn't matter. Often, using the first name will do.

Re: Name-calling

Anonymous 3: Why not use "better half"? It seems to say it all, but without some of the fraught meanings she's identified in other words.

Carolyn: It strikes me as coy, but maybe that's just me. Wife is fact without flinching.

Re: Name-calling

Anonymous 4: Why not spouse? It has always been my moniker of choice in a heterosexual relationship. Can't see why it wouldn't work in a same-sex relationship.

Carolyn: If that's what you normally use, then that's what you should use. Someone who doesn't have a favorite should go the no-fuss route: wife.

If you can't accept that boyfriend refuses to take a break from Facebook, move on 10/07/11 [Last modified: Friday, October 7, 2011 4:30am]
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