A few Sundays ago, I was sitting outside sipping red wine at a bar on Howard Avenue when I looked across the street at another drinking establishment.
There was a band and a decent crowd winding down from what looked like a day at the beach. I couldn't help but be drawn to one particular girl. Obviously inebriated, she was sandwiched between two frat boys in something that looked like the sex scene in Quest For Fire.
Case in point, No. 2: My 14-year old nephew tells me recently that his principal banned "grind lines" at his middle school's dances.
"Uh, what is a grind line?" I asked.
"Oh, that's when all the girls line up in a row and the guys go down the line taking turns grinding on each one," he replied.
Shannon, when did dancing and sex become one in the same? I know Elvis did his thing and people were up in arms when Madonna rolled around to Like A Virgin, but those things seem lily-white compared to these kids today. I'm no Pat Boone when it comes to shaking things up on the dance floor, but c'mon, if I witnessed some young man doing the Humpty Hump all up on my daughter like that, he'd soon be a eunuch.
We've gone from Sock Hops — where young couples were encouraged to leave enough space between them for the Holy Spirit — to grind lines? What's next? Will my kids show my grandkids photos of them at their high school orgy?
My message for horny little devils: Don't be Jingling Baby out in public. Learn how to dance and leave the Sexual Healing for more private places.
First I must make fun of you a little bit for sounding like a total Grandpa.
"I'm no Pat Boone" ... "these kids today" ... room for "the Holy Spirit" ... Did I miss your 90th birthday, Dave?
But I have to agree with you.
The thought of having a teenage child — heck even a preteen — is a little terrifying because of PDD (public displays of dancing).
I mean, at a certain point aren't they just having dance-floor foreplay and calling it Beyonce's greatest hits? And the notion that girls would line up to be grinded on is, once again, terrifying and deeply disturbing.
My best friend is having a baby girl this summer, and let me tell you — this surrogate aunt is not going to tolerate such a thing!
And how far have we come from the "taboo" of Patrick Swayze and Dirty Dancing? I remember attending a slumber party where we had to get our parents to sign a permission slip to watch it!
One poor girl didn't get the green light, so she sat in another room while we watched — our prepubescent selves confused by our attraction to Swayze's moves.
I'm not sure which is more disturbing — seeing little Miley Cyrus wannabes grinding it up, or being at some family wedding and seeing drunk Aunt Ethel rubbing all over Uncle Ted. Blech! How about we just ban both from the dance floor?