Wednesday, June 20, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Man with pregnant wife wants open marriage so he can have more sex

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Man with pregnant wife wants open marriage, more sex

Newport, R.I.: What do you think about an open marriage? My husband is pressuring me to agree, since I'm seven months pregnant and he's frustrated that I'm not fulfilling my "wifely" responsibilities. Granted, our sex life isn't as fulfilling to him as it was when we were trying to get pregnant, but he's really laying a guilt trip on me.

Carolyn: I think open marriages are a great idea when the two people in them both think they're a great idea. I think the idea of them is offensive when one spouse is pregnant and under pressure to agree because the other spouse can't think of anyone but himself. I hope you have your finances in order, because I have no reason to believe you aren't married to a taker of epic proportions, and that rarely ends well.

Anonymous: Wait, when did we go back to the 1800s? I'm so glad to know we're back to a time and place where men can demand to have an affair just because the wife whom he got pregnant can no longer service his needs. This guy is a cretin and a manipulator. I now have to chant, "Most men aren't like this, most men aren't like this," before I go on a revenging crusade for all of womankind.

Carolyn: Make it a crusade for mankind, too, because by far most mans are kind and they suffer by stereotypical association with the "cretin and manipulator." Besides, it's not as if women never insist they be indulged at the cost of others' health, welfare and dignity.

Rein in that lovesick-puppy feeling of a new relationship

Getting ahead of myself: I started seeing someone about a month ago, but I feel like my image of him/us is getting ahead of reality. I need a mantra that would get my perspective back. Please help! I'm walking around with lovesick puppy-dog eyes and probably making people want to upchuck.

Carolyn: Well, that's your right; I'm sure your nearest, dearest and colleagues have done the same to you plenty of times over the years.

For your own sake, though, you might want to impose sanity rules on yourself, as difficult as that will feel at times, and as silly as it will seem to impose arbitrary limits on seeing him.

In general, you want to invest energy in strengthening the non-guy part of your life. Specifically, that can mean you plan things to do that don't involve Him, at least once a weekend; or you start projects that have historically been absorbing/rewarding for you; or you call your friends and family to check in, on a schedule that reflects — or improves on — the attention you give them when you're single.

Not only will these keep you from acting like a lovesick puppy, but they'll also keep you from becoming one of those people who disappear when they're in a relationship.

None of these will change the way you feel; that's not realistic. What is realistic is to give the rational part of you a fighting chance, instead of letting the puppy completely off its leash.

Comments
Your guide to St. Pete Pride: What's changed for 2018

Your guide to St. Pete Pride: What's changed for 2018

Pride weekend kicks off in St. Petersburg Friday with a free concert hosted by a RuPaul’s Drag Race star, a parade along the downtown waterfront on Saturday and an expanded expo of vendors and art on Sunday in the Grand Central District that ga...
Published: 06/19/18

Tell Me About It: Mom/daughter dynamic feels controlling

Q: I am afraid I may be a controlling mom of my young adult daughter, but we have a dynamic in which she seeks me out often, solicits my advice, and makes me too important in her life. I admit to offering that advice because it is hard for me to draw...
Published: 06/19/18

Tell Me About It: Regretting staying too long in bad romance

Q: I recently broke up with someone after two years. Even though there were things that bothered me while we were together, I would convince myself I was overreacting, he didnít really mean it, etc.Now that itís over, I feel like a fool for not havin...
Published: 06/18/18

Tell Me About It: After years of depression, a diagnosis

Q: Iím 33 and have dealt with depression on and off since my adolescence. I grew up in a household with every kind of abuse you can think of, but I didnít start seeking help until my early 20s via talk therapy, and cut ties entirely with my abusers. ...
Published: 06/17/18
Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of June 18-24

Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of June 18-24

St. Pete Pride: One of the largest Pride celebration in the Southeast happens this weekend, bringing a rainbow of activities. Things set off on Friday with the free SP2 Concert at North Straub Park, hosted by Coco Montrese of RuPaul’s Drag Race...
Published: 06/15/18
Updated: 06/18/18

Tell Me About It: Pregnancy news confirms estrangement

Q: I just found out my son and his wife are going to be parents. Iím very excited and somewhat confused and a little hurt: Sheís seven months along. I donít know why the long wait to tell me. They live in another state, and I havenít seen them in abo...
Published: 06/15/18

Tell Me About It: Sister must face her poor choices in men

Q: Last night, I received my umpteenth call from my sobbing, devastated sister (mid-20s) over yet another semi-hookup-flirty-thing guy that didnít work out. He is moving away and she found out via an announcement at work, not from him.This is a years...
Published: 06/15/18
High-tech nighttime lagoon show coming to Universal Orlando this summer

High-tech nighttime lagoon show coming to Universal Orlando this summer

A gliding, wraith-like figure of a Dementor from the Harry Potter films enters Central Park, and the exteriors of the surrounding buildings immediately are covered in a layer of ice, a sign of their power to drain happiness out of the air around them...
Published: 06/14/18
Things to do this weekend: Fatherís Day, Maroon 5, The Illusionists, Mr. Rogers film, fireworks at Busch Gardens

Things to do this weekend: Fatherís Day, Maroon 5, The Illusionists, Mr. Rogers film, fireworks at Busch Gardens

HolidayFatherís Day: Sunday brings us a day to honor the guy who cheered us on, called us down and blamed us for his bald spot. Itís Fatherís Day! A number of local attractions are offering free admission for dads if at least one ungrateful progeny t...
Published: 06/14/18

Tell Me About It: Group resists suggestion of sober vacation

Q: I have a friend I have known since high school who has recently been in recovery for drinking. He is about six weeks into an outpatient system and has been doing well. A group of friends including my friend in recovery have been going on two campi...
Published: 06/14/18