Thursday, April 26, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Readers share advice on strip-club disputes, wedding guest feuds

While I'm away, readers give the advice.

On the whole strip-club thing:

L.: An early conversation with my now-husband went something like this:

Me: "While you are going out with your mate to have fun at a strip club (no touching, no sex, just fun), I am going to go have fun too. I don't want to go to a male strip club because I would find it entirely unappealing. Instead, my pal and I will go to XYX (nice bar), find funny, smart, great-looking guys with great-paying jobs and very nice cars — sporty I hope — and chat (no touching, no sex, just fun). Don't worry, I'm coming back to you."

Him: "Uh, no."

I didn't want to control him, or even necessarily have him agree with me. I just wanted him to understand — and care — how it would make me feel. He did.

On how to knock it out of the park when your kid takes an unexpected path:

S.: When I was realizing my husband and I weren't going to keep trying for kids, and were just not going to have them, my parents were right there reassuring me that they weren't disappointed in me, and helping me through it.

I wish I had advice, but I don't — all I have is my gratitude for how my folks handled this.

I remember saying to my mom something along the lines of, "Do you think you would love me more deeply if I had kids?" and her saying, "I couldn't possibly love anyone any more than I love you." And I remember saying to my dad, "It's hard to think about there being this whole set of experiences I'm going to miss," and his coming right back with, "But there's another whole set of experiences you won't have to miss."

And when my brother had a child, and my mom and I were talking once, and I mentioned feeling like she and he had this bond now, that I didn't get, she also pointed out that she and I were able to deepen conversations about other topics, because we weren't talking about kids.

What a huge gift it's been that my parents, if they are disappointed, have chosen to share that with other people in their lives, and in our relationships have just gone about loving me as I am. I had not realized how much this meant to me until now. Typing it out, I am totally tearing up with gratitude that my folks have been so staunchly in my corner.

On feuding exes and major events:

K.: It's easy for someone on the outside to say they should get over it or set it aside for one day, but it takes some people time.

A friend of mine had feuding family members whom she wanted at her wedding. They were both adamant that they would not attend if the other was there. Her solution was to have one at the ceremony only, and the other at the reception only. She also did separate things with each before the wedding (dinner the night before, and breakfast the day of). It wasn't ideal, but she was able to enjoy her wedding day with her whole family, without major drama and without having to be a referee.

Comments
5 things to do under $5: 10,000 Maniacs, Dragon Boat Races, Pepper Fest

5 things to do under $5: 10,000 Maniacs, Dragon Boat Races, Pepper Fest

Here's your free and cheap ideas for the weekend.
Updated: 11 hours ago
Royal Guardsmen return, Snoopy in tow, 50 years after Florida’s first pop hit

Royal Guardsmen return, Snoopy in tow, 50 years after Florida’s first pop hit

OCALAIt’s midmorning at the pub, not far from the backyard patio where it all began, and the old guys from the old band are reminiscing on the old days over cream of mushroom soup."When we were kids," Billy Taylor said, "all you wanted was a hot show...
Published: 04/26/18

Tell Me About It: After 30 years, wife considers moving on

Q: What does a person do if after 30 years of marriage, they aren’t the most important item in their spouse’s life? The kids are now grown and gone, but his career is still his No. 1 with his parents being No. 2. Is it too late to move on and start o...
Published: 04/26/18
Plan your weekend April 27-29: Jeff Dunham, Flo Rida at Busch Gardens, Sunscreen Film Fest, dragon boat races, Green Thumb Fest

Plan your weekend April 27-29: Jeff Dunham, Flo Rida at Busch Gardens, Sunscreen Film Fest, dragon boat races, Green Thumb Fest

Plan your weekendAthletes St. Anthony’s Triathlon: Elite professional athletes and Olympians from around the world will be at this St. Petersburg race this weekend, one of the premier triathlon events in the country. There’s a big incentive, with ca...
Published: 04/25/18
Top things to do this week in Tampa Bay: Jeff Dunham, Victor Wooten and Sinbad perform jazz

Top things to do this week in Tampa Bay: Jeff Dunham, Victor Wooten and Sinbad perform jazz

PUPPET MASTER: Jeff DunhamCelebrated ventriloquist Jeff Dunham is no dummy. The record-breaking comedy superstar sells out arenas around the world, bringing along his ill-behaved puppets including grouchy Walter, Achmed the Dead Terrorist, redneck Bu...
Published: 04/25/18
This week’s best concerts: Flo Rida, Queens of the Stone Age, Bay 2 Beach Festival and more

This week’s best concerts: Flo Rida, Queens of the Stone Age, Bay 2 Beach Festival and more

ROCK ROYALTY: Queens of the Stone AgeWhen Queens of the Stone Age singer Josh Homme got in trouble recently for kicking a photographer at a show, local fans might have seen it coming. During a gig here in 2014, a fan got up on stage and tried to gree...
Published: 04/25/18

Tell Me About It: Father-in-law loses it over baby’s name

Q: My husband and I are late-20s and expecting a baby girl. My husband and I both kept our own last names. My father-in-law, ["Phil"], has absolutely lost it upon learning that we plan to hyphenate the baby’s last name, reportedly crying and fuming e...
Published: 04/25/18

Tell Me About It: Addressing the party no-show epidemic

Q: My family recently celebrated our son’s birthday. We had a number of guests RSVP "yes" to our invitation who not only didn’t show, but also didn’t even have the decency to contact us to let us know. It’s been a week since the party.This left us wi...
Published: 04/24/18

Tell Me About It: Sister’s remark is a teaching opportunity

My husband’s sister, "Kate," is expecting her second child. They have a 3-year-old girl. My husband and I have two girls, 8 and 6. At our house this week, Kate talked extensively about her hopes that this next baby is a boy. Some of her reasons are c...
Published: 04/23/18

Tell Me About It: Mom fears she has discussed sex too soon

Q: This week I was in a discussion with a bunch of other third-grade parents about what our kids know about sex. The vast majority of these parents said their children were "clueless" and they wanted to maintain their kids’ innocence. I was one of th...
Published: 04/22/18