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Should relationships be this much work?

While I'm away, readers give the advice:

Get your priorities straight

Q: Here's hoping you'll do a piece sometime on two (fictional?) kids who just tie the knot, both knowing that "A deal's a deal — come hell or high water," and with both just wanting to win in life if their No. 1 squeeze wins; and with both always knowing that they've just got to talk away their differences, even if that sometimes just means that they've got to sometimes talk about simply not being able to talk; and both knowing full well that the big pluses of a for-real deal only show themselves in 20 or 30 years when both see just how many other deals in life seem destined to fall apart; and in 30 or 40 years when the second (and best and longest) honeymoon sets in; and in 40 or 50 years when they start helping each other over more and more of life's curbs, and have memories and laughs that are so rich to them, but not possibly to anybody else.

And all because each of them kept on vowing to "make this work." Great partnerships do not just happen; they get made, and there's no greater joy to be won.

Lancaster, Penn.

A: I'm with you, as long as "making this work" doesn't involve work just to get along. Some couples do seem to forget that it helps if they actually like each other to begin with.

Nagging for grandchildren

After my now-49-year-old daughter had been married a couple of years without a baby, she approached me and said, "Mom, I'm not sure if John and I should have a baby." My response: "I don't think you should!" "But don't you want grandchildren?" she asked. "Not at your expense!" I replied.

I could see a massive load was lifted from her shoulders. Her younger sister married, has two boys and they have frequent, and brief, loving times together. Having a baby to please someone else is not fair to anyone — not the mother, father, particularly not the child, and yes, not even the grandparents!

M.G.

The tyranny of thinness

There is no doubt that society crams the "ideal" down our throats at every turn, of the skinny female frame as beautiful, and additional body character as fat and unattractive.

I just wanted to "weigh in" and let people who struggle with this know that we don't all think that way. Hard as it is, they should try not to let the media damage their self-esteem. I have been married for 23 years. My wife has gained 40 pounds but I find her sexier than ever. The added curves and character of her body are what I find so appealing.

When I'm at the gym, yeah I notice the fit, "society-attractive" women, but the women I find attractive are the larger ones. I want to tell them how attractive they are but can't because I don't want to bother them or be perceived as hitting on them. I'm not alone.

A lot of men find large, curvy women beautiful. The combination of curves, confidence and a good attitude is a winning combination that many people will be drawn to.

Appreciative of Bodies With Character

Should relationships be this much work? 07/04/08 [Last modified: Monday, July 7, 2008 5:08pm]

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