Thursday, April 19, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Should significant other be in wedding photos? Try it both ways

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Should significant other be in wedding photos? Yes and no

Q: Should the live-in significant other of one of our siblings be included in a family wedding photo? The cohabiting pair don't have an opinion nor do the bride or groom, but the matriarch feels strongly that the S.O. be a part of it, and another person strongly opposes that.

Whom to Include?

Carolyn: One shot with, one without. Too awkward? And while I'm here — what's up with the person who "strongly opposes" inclusion? Someone as vehement about "tradition" as such opposition implies should be dutifully in line behind the matriarch.

Anonymous: When nobody directly involved particularly cares, I advocate going for inclusion and defining "family" as "people who matter in our hearts and minds" rather than "people who share a blood relationship and/or signed a piece of paper."

Carolyn: I agree. And when people do care, take different versions. Someone else suggested a bunch of different configurations, and that's even better — as long as it doesn't take all day.

This might hurt some feelings, but "a bunch" of configurations is intended to pre-empt that, and at a certain point you just have to expect adults to act accordingly.

Pink, strapless bridesmaid dress needs to be negotiable item

Q: In a past column, you re-enforced a writer's objection to a pink, strapless bridesmaid dress by suggesting she ask for alterations or another role in her brother's wedding.

I'm not inclined to support a gaggle of bridesmaids and don't like the matchy-matchy outfit that rarely flatters all, but it's just a dress. She could throw a shawl over it as soon as the ceremony is over.

The important thing is that the woman marrying her brother is trying to include her. The writer said she's not close to the brother. By participating in his wedding and getting to know his bride, she can build a closer relationship. The bride is offering her a gift, and I was surprised you endorsed her issues with the dress over encouraging her not to look a pink strapless dress in the mouth.

Anonymous

Carolyn: The important thing is her inclusion, yes, but I don't agree that the dress is a nonnegotiable element of the most important thing. Anyone who feels uncomfortable in a bridesmaid's dress — not just "ew, pink washes me out," but moved-to-withdraw-from-the-wedding-party uncomfortable, as this woman was — should feel free to say that to the bride.

Because if we're going to talk in "most important thing" terms, I have to think not humiliating someone is way up there.

If a bride doesn't care that someone feels humiliated by her assigned costume, then inclusion in this bride's inner circle isn't that wonderful a thing after all.

Also, for what it's worth, I don't agree I fully "re-enforced the writer's objection":

"You are you and you have inherent beauty, and any pounds plus or minus, here or there, are just life mileage. Life mileage used to be valued before the nitpickers and narcissists took over the machinery of popular images. Do what you want regarding the wedding, but please do consider striking a one-woman blow against the tyranny of superficial values."

Comments

Tell Me About It: How to deal with conversation dominators

Q: We have a few relatives, including a sibling, who we don’t see or hear from often, as we are busy or live far away. We meet over a meal or for an hour or so, or at family gatherings requiring a drive, and I am so frustrated that they dominate the ...
Published: 04/19/18
Plan your weekend: Kenny Chesney, ‘The Producers’ in the park, Mainsail Art Fest, Sugar Sand Fest, Earth Day

Plan your weekend: Kenny Chesney, ‘The Producers’ in the park, Mainsail Art Fest, Sugar Sand Fest, Earth Day

The top things to do April 20 to 22 in Tampa, St. Petersburg and the whole Tampa Bay area.
Published: 04/18/18
The newest trend for Tampa date nights? Indoor ax throwing

The newest trend for Tampa date nights? Indoor ax throwing

Axe Throwing Tampa and Raider Axe Lodge are bringing the axe-throwing trend to the Tampa Bay area.
Published: 04/18/18
Top things to do in Tampa Bay: Sugar Sand Festival, Record Store Day, ZooBrews, Beerfest

Top things to do in Tampa Bay: Sugar Sand Festival, Record Store Day, ZooBrews, Beerfest

BEER: ZooBrews and BeerfestAs if we needed any more proof of the craft beer craze, this weekend brings two events with a smorgasbord of samplings. • The newly renamed ZooTampa at Lowry Park is calling ZooBrews a new event that appears to be an awful ...
Published: 04/18/18
Huge concert week in Tampa: Foo Fighters, Kenny Chesney, 98 Rockfest, more

Huge concert week in Tampa: Foo Fighters, Kenny Chesney, 98 Rockfest, more

PURE NIRVANA: Foo FightersDave Grohl may be America’s last unquestioned rock god. He’s played with Kurt Cobain and Jimmy Page, Tom Petty and Trent Reznor and St. Vincent, and he also leads a pretty decent group — perhaps you’ve heard of them — called...
Published: 04/18/18
5 things to do under $5: Taste of Science talks, free ‘Field of Dreams’ screening

5 things to do under $5: Taste of Science talks, free ‘Field of Dreams’ screening

1 Field of Dreams: Kick off baseball season with Tampa Bay Rays mascots and a movie that makes every baseball fan cry. Raymond and DJ Kitty will be at Tampa Theatre for photos and you can join in a Take Me Out to the Ballpark sing-along on the Mighty...
Published: 04/18/18

Tell Me About It: Don’t feel awkward about checking friend

Q: My husband and I adopted a dog that does not like strangers; he is in intensive training and part of that is having strangers over to our house to practice meeting people. I usually invite a friend over after explaining the situation and promising...
Published: 04/18/18

Tell Me About It: Should parents help with daughter’s dog?

Q: About a year and a half ago my husband and I purchased a dog. She was way too busy for us, so my daughter took her. We helped pay to have the dog spayed, as she was ours to start with.Anyway, since then, whenever my daughter takes a trip for a wee...
Published: 04/17/18

Tell Me About It: Boyfriend won’t open up about their future

Q: I have been seriously dating my boyfriend for over two years, and we live together. I have expressed more than once that I want to be married, and that it is something I value and want in life, and we had a lengthy conversation about it a couple m...
Published: 04/16/18

Tell Me About It: Boys’ similar history draws comparisons

Q: My late husband died when our son was 18-months. We always had the basics, I made sure of that, but we both went without a lot of the extras. My son just started college and his random roommate assignment happens to be a boy whose father also died...
Published: 04/15/18