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Tell Me About It: Accomplished woman needs a challenge

 
Published April 14, 2016

Q: I am 35, and all my life I have been striving toward specific goals. First college, then grad school, then the new job. After that my husband went back to school. Well, now we've accomplished all that, our three kids are older and life feels more manageable.

Except that small issues during all the big pushes are now bothering me quite a lot. Some of it is "me" stuff and some of it is "marriage stuff."

I am not sure whether I am fixating on all this stuff because for the first time (ever?), I am just focusing on my day-to-day. Sure, we have long-term goals. But, for the most part, life is about maintenance right now.

So, is this why all these previous back-burner items are now pushing to the fore? Are they actually important, or do I need to quit looking for something to worry about?

Is This All There Is?

A: I'd argue the opposite of "quit looking." You apparently need something bigger to worry about than your day-to-day.

Some people can snuggle contentedly into a routine and feel relief that a "big push" is over, but some people feel lost without a driving purpose.

Your current malaise could actually be a great opportunity for you, because you clearly have a lot of personal strengths that have paid off. It sounds as if you've never really looked inward and asked yourself, what do I want ?

That alone can explain why life after your "big pushes" doesn't feel quite right. Your goals weren't uniquely reflective of you.

It's a common place to be for sure. So start thinking bigger about this next phase of your life than "me" and "marriage" buckets. What sounds like a rewarding target for your energy now? What do you want out of yourself, out of life?

It can be a therapy thing, even if you just want help sorting it out. Otherwise you can take a more patient approach: Start taking really good care of yourself emotionally and physically, making room for answers to find their way to you.