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Tell Me About It: After break up, reneging on lease deal has a price

 
Published Sept. 17, 2014

Q: I broke up with my live-in significant other a month ago. We agreed to try to stick out the living situation (separate bedrooms, of course) for five more months.

I find myself growing more resentful of his behavior by the day, so I found a new place yesterday. He knows I'm fed up and want out, but I feel like a jerk because I'm bailing halfway through. While I like him as a person and would like to return to being friends, the more time I spend with him, the less likely that outcome looks. Is it okay to move out? Do I owe him something more?

Moving Out and On

A: You owed him some notice — at least a month. Since that's apparently not happening, then you owe him anywhere from a month to five months' rent (depending on the lease). He could let you off that hook out of decency, perhaps if you pay rent till he finds a roommate.

Springing this on the person who can lessen your obligation is not the best way to get things rolling.

Husband must comes to terms with decision to avoid family

Q: My husband loves his parents and sister but makes no effort to see them (we live in Virginia, they are in Florida). His excuses not to visit are pretty weak, like too much work, too little money, or his fear of flying. I feel he is being selfish and, after nearly 30 years of marriage, I know he will regret this after Dad and Mom are gone. Should I just get over it?

Upset

A: Yes. Ultimately it's his job, not yours, to pre-empt his guilt. Before you reach this resignation point, though, I hope you do call him out. Bluntly: "You're making weak excuses again."