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Tell Me About It: After divorce, let your feelings guide you

Q: It's been a year since my divorce, and I feel like I'm supposed to want to date now. Some co-workers have even been encouraging me to sign up for a dating website. But I've spent this last year doing things by myself, rediscovering what makes me happy, making new friends and keeping my home the way I want it, without having to compromise with anybody else. It's been great! I just can't imagine wanting to have some other person hanging around all the time, getting in my way and forcing me to consider them in my plans. Is dating one of those things I need to make myself do as part of my recovery from the divorce?

Single and Loving It

A: Possibly. But it's also possible that standing up to outside pressure to date is the thing you need to make yourself do as part of your recovery.

The way to tell which is correct, for you, is to pay careful attention to the way you feel and then honor that. That's the whole point of your (admirable) recovery, after all — to stop marching to someone else's idea of what you're "supposed to" do, and learn to listen to your own wants and needs.

That's not always easy, even when you're a veteran at it. However, we all tend to have our own thought and behavior patterns that serve as a bread-crumb trail to our true beliefs and your current "rediscovering" path is perfect for learning yours. "I just can't imagine wanting . . ." sure looks like one to me.

Tell Me About It: After divorce, let your feelings guide you 01/19/14 [Last modified: Friday, January 17, 2014 11:15am]

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