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Tell Me About It: Bad behavior in youth sports is not new

 
Published June 8, 2015

Q: This past weekend we (grandparents) were witness to two of the most appalling examples of poor sportsmanship and lack of self-control in recent memory, by the same opposing team coaches. While at a girls' softball tournament, the coaches of said team got in the face of the umpire over a call, which is never allowed, delaying the game 30 minutes and requiring a mediator but ending as called. Second incident involved opposing team's request for a rain delay (denied).

Has winning at all costs become so important? If so, how sad is that, and what is that teaching these young girls? It is no longer just a game but borders on bullying.

How does a parent/grandparent explain such inexcusable behavior by adults to 12-year-olds of both teams? Everyone witnessing this was stunned. Hope to hear your thoughts on this.

FanNana

A: Yes, some people lose their minds over youth sports. Yes this is terrible. Yes the kids deserve better from the adults in their lives.

But no, the multi-coach freakout you witnessed from one team over one game does not herald a new era of winning at all costs. These girls need all the adults, not just these coaches, to keep things in perspective.

So treat this recent mayhem as an aberration. First, tell your granddaughter you're sorry she had to deal with the coaches' loss of perspective, and ask how she feels about it. That covers the three most important messages: No, this was not fair to the players; no, prioritizing the win over sportsmanship is not acceptable behavior; yes, she's your top priority. Remember, the stalled game likely did its own teaching; all the girls were presumably thinking, "Shut up and let us play."

Second, write a letter to the proper authorities — club, league, tournament organizers, local governing body of that sport, however many of these apply. Your granddaughter can do the same. You're free to lament the decline of sport, but it's not enough; to rein in or remove bad actors, witnesses have to speak up.