Wednesday, May 23, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Breakup complicates decision to move

Q: Yesterday, I was offered a good job in the hometown of my girlfriend, whom I planned to marry. But last night, she told me she wasn't sure that she was "all in." She said she was conflicted by her feelings about me. We broke up.

I'm heartbroken. And I don't know what to do about this job. I expect to be laid off from my own job in the next few months, so I need the job. Plus it's a good job. But I don't know anyone there other than my girlfriend's family.

There are also financial issues. I'm way underwater on my mortgage and couldn't sell my house except at a steep loss. (I could possibly rent it.) Any thoughts you have are warmly welcomed.

What Do I Do Now?

A: Haxster feels your pain. How big is the girlfriend's hometown? I think anything big enough for you not to risk running into her every time you go out for a beer is probably big enough for the both o' ya (assuming she still plans to move back).

It would also help if you moved not to her town proper, but to one within a comfortable commuting radius around the new workplace — especially if you could find one that has a nightlife of its own.

You'd have to go, though, with the clear understanding — stated to your now-ex — that you would be moving to her town as if you knew no one there, and will not lean on her or her family, and will not entertain hopes of winning her back.

This is pure economic necessity. But, when you're looking at layoff + underwater mortgage, the certainty of employment (+ renting your house) comes close to trumping all.

If you squint, maybe it will look like a fresh start?

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