Q: My brother recently learned that his wife has been cheating on him, not for the first (or even second) time. When this happened before, he tried to stick with it and work it out for their children, but this time they have agreed that divorce is the next step.
They may maintain the facade until the end of the school year. In the meantime, he wants to pretend everything is normal. My brother insists that our parents and siblings continue to treat my sister-in-law completely normally. He also wants everyone to include her in family events at their homes and even go on family vacations with her.
Do we really have to go along with the farce that nothing is wrong? We all want to support him., but is that reasonable or even possible?
Concerned Sibling
A: You aren't supporting him, though, are you, as much as you're supporting their children?
Presumably that's the whole point of waiting: Your brother and sister-in-law have decided to upend the kids' summer instead of their schooling.
And that means the kids don't know their parents are splitting, which means if you invite the whole family except their mother, they're going to ask some really excellent questions now that your brother wants to answer in June.
What's left for you to navigate is logistics, phrasing and the amount of pucker on your face when you greet your sister-in-law.
The degree of difficulty in full inclusion depends on how ambitious the events are that your family has planned. If plans are already in full bloom, then your only choices might be to speak your disgust or swallow it, which, around the kids, is really no choice at all.
You can of course express your concerns and even set limits in private conversation with your brother. You can promise civility but not acting. Discretion but not fiction.
So the apt motto might be: Suck it up. Everyone else in this mess has it worse than you do.