Sunday, September 23, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Couple needs a real talk about marriage

Q: I've been with my boyfriend for two years. We live together. He is 40 and I am 38. I am growing increasingly impatient with him not proposing. He says we are taking the steps to get there by living together, but I don't understand why we have to wait. I feel like he should know whether I'm the one. He comes from a broken home and seems to have many fears and doubts about marriage. Do you have any suggestions for how to handle this waiting period? At this age, is it a bad sign that he doesn't know already and needs more time? Thanks!


A: Waiting for a proposal only passes the, "It's tradition!" sniff test when both of you think proposing is a man's job.

In your case, waiting for the man to propose is just the end result of two people who are not, not, not in agreement about what they're doing together and why.

You want to be married; he doesn't.

He knows why; you don't.

He thinks waiting is the answer; you don't.

He has fears about marriage; you don't.

He thinks living together is a valid incremental step toward marriage; you don't.

You think two years is enough for midlife adults to figure out whether to commit; he doesn't.

My suggestion to handle this waiting period is to stop the infernal waiting. You don't even know what you're waiting for or why! Not really.

Instead, replace the waiting with talking. Say you have tried to, but don't understand what he's waiting for or why. Ask him to articulate it. Really, really listen.

Whether he articulates it or doesn't, his response will be useful if you regard it as such, because, think about it — you're sharing a home and aren't teenagers and you're asking a fair question. If he doesn't or can't answer you, then what more information do you need about the life you can expect with him?


Tell Me About It: Bean-counting brother needs a lesson in kindness

Q: My sister owns a few apartment buildings and my mother lives there rent-free. My mother plans to give my sister slightly more in her will. Our brother is angry about this, he wants my sister to just charge our mother rent. My sister thinks our mom...
Published: 09/21/18
Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

13 Ugly Men Halloween PartyThese "ugly" men sure know how to party with three floors offering new tricks and treats, DJ dancing and a light show making the 10th annual Halloween party a "Party with a Purpose." Benefits Beat NB. 8 p.m. Oct. 26. Yborís...
Published: 09/19/18

Tell Me About It: Frequently displaced wife has had enough moves

Q: I have been married to my second husband for 24 years. We have a 16-year-old and I have two adult children.I have moved seven times in 17 years for his job. He didnít have to quit and take another job, but they were opportunities for him to climb ...
Published: 09/19/18
Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Where to find kid-friendly, not-so-scary Halloween fun

Spare the gore and take the kids to these family-friendly Halloween parties planned at theme parks and attractions in the coming weeks. Creatures of the Night at ZooTampa The weekend nighttime Halloween party at ZooTampa at Lowry Park returns with...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Busy couple seeks ways to downsize for the future

Q: Over a decade, my salary has tripled (Iím quite well-paid now), my work hours and responsibilities have increased, and ó because Iím so frequently tired or short on time ó my "outsourcing" has increased, too. Think: frequent takeout, a dog-walker,...
Published: 09/18/18

Tell Me About It: Parents want bully brother to be his best man

Q: Iím getting married. Thatís awesome. However, my parents want me to ask my brother to be my best man. The idea of letting my brother, whoís spent his whole life being the biggest jerk he can manage, stand up and give a speech about me makes me wan...
Published: 09/17/18

Tell Me About It: Mom is frustrated by teenís dislike of academics

Q: I have a 15-year-old son who is obviously bright but hates school. My husband and I canít helicopter him to success because (a) we donít want to be helicopter parents, and (b) he has developed ninja-like skills when it comes to evading any attempt...
Updated one month ago

Tell Me About It: In search of ways to stop the family over-talker

Q: During extended family get-togethers with my side of the family, there is one person who does 95 percent of the talking. When I ask someone else in the room a question about their lives, this person always jumps in and takes over the conversation ...
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Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens reveals plans for Tigris, Florida's tallest launch roller coaster

Busch Gardens will open Florida’s tallest launch coaster in spring 2019, company officials announced Wednesday. The triple-launch, tiger-themed roller coaster called Tigris will hurl riders 150 feet into the sky, turn them upside down and swirl...
Published: 09/12/18

Tell Me About It:

Mom-to-be decides who will join her in deliveryQ: I am six months pregnant with my first child. Iíve been fixated a bit on who to have in the delivery room with me, I think because itís one of the few elements I can control in this pregnancy. Should ...
Updated one month ago