Tuesday, August 14, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Couple should ignore childish rumor

Q: What are your thoughts on wedding gifts when not invited to the wedding? A family member had a destination wedding six months ago. We were told they weren't having any guests but later learned several couple-friends of theirs accompanied them. They spent nearly eight months doing extensive renovations to their new home, and then sent out invitations to a cookout to come see their new digs. When we arrived, this "cookout" was fully catered, had valet parking attendants and had over a hundred guests. There was a gift table — not everyone brought gifts — but I would say there were 25 or so on the table.

I have heard through the grapevine that this family member is very upset that we didn't acknowledge her wedding "properly." We sent a card at the time and had a bottle of champagne delivered to their hotel room.

The word is this person is not speaking to me until I "make things right." We often go a month or two without contact so I don't know if we just haven't talked or if she is not talking to me. Should I clear the air or ignore?

Not Invited

A: Oh my goodness, ignore — because that's the proper way to accept the gift of having a jerk drop voluntarily out of your life.

Since when do a card and champagne constitute a failure to acknowledge a wedding? One you were not invited to attend?

Maybe you need to get along with these people for the sake of the family, but if that's the case, then it's incumbent upon the couple to talk to you directly. Their choosing to have invisible hoops for you to jump through, and then to punish you silently for your failure to jump through them, conveniently keeps all the responsibility with them — because technically you don't know anything about this.

So treat the couple as you always have. That is, act as if nothing is wrong because you did nothing wrong, and let them come to you with any grievance themselves. If they act frosty to you, then act as surprised by that as you have every right to be.

Comments

Tell Me About It: Instead of monster or martyr, try ‘Mom’

Q: My sister-in-law, "Mary," has always been a mess. She has two kids with two different men who never see them, don’t pay child support, and she doesn’t work. Mary and her children lived with my mother-in-law, "Kate," until Kate moved into a 55-plus...
Published: 08/12/18

Tell Me About It: Introverted fiancee feels trapped by family

Q: My son and his fiancee bought a condo close to us, which then flooded. They moved in with us and repairs have taken longer than anticipated.His fiancee, "Laura," is an intense introvert. For that reason, I gave up my exercise, TV and craft room fo...
Published: 08/10/18

Tell Me About It: Check in constantly with depressed friend

Q: I have this friend who lives close but I haven’t seen in months. No one in our group of friends has seen her recently. Every time we make plans, she cancels, saying she is too sad or has been crying all day.I’m really worried. She moved here more ...
Published: 08/09/18

Tell Me About It: An occasional push helps to stay on track

Q: What responsibility does a wife have to push her husband to be a decent friend? For years, my husband was close with a few guys from grad school. As they got married and started families, the frequency of their get-togethers died down and the frie...
Published: 08/07/18

Tell Me About It: Grandma finds no one wants her heirlooms

Q: My mother-in-law has spent much of her life accumulating collectibles, heirlooms and furniture with the rationale that she will give them to her children and grandchildren someday. Her four grandchildren are still in high school. She’s decided tha...
Published: 08/07/18

Tell Me About It: Couple ponders rolling the dice on a baby

Q: I mostly want to have a baby; my fiance mostly does not. I’m in my late 30s and have school-age kids; he doesn’t have and never planned to have kids. Deciding to have or not to have a baby seems like too enormous a decision for mere mortals. It’s ...
Published: 08/06/18

Tell Me About It: Boyfriend takes affection to the next level

Q: My boyfriend is responsible, thoughtful, and very very affectionate — which is great for the first four hours of hand-holding, but which makes me want to shove him away and shout, "Just leave me alone!" by hour six. Before this, I thought I was a ...
Published: 08/05/18

Tell Me About It: Boyfriend won’t stand up to cruel brother

Q: I just spent the weekend in the company of my boyfriend’s brother, who mimicked/mocked me, belittled almost all my actions, and made fun of my chronic health condition. My boyfriend says this is just "’George’s’ sense of humor," and that I should ...
Updated one month ago
Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of Aug. 6-12

Top things to do in Tampa Bay for the week of Aug. 6-12

Janet Jackson: The pop icon will be in Control when she brings her State of the World tour to the MidFlorida Credit Union Amphitheatre in Tampa on Tuesday ($29.95-499.95). amphitheatretampa.com. Fetish Con: You’ll find even more half-dressed p...
Published: 08/02/18
Updated: 08/06/18
Plan your weekend Aug. 3-5: Tampa Bay Comic Con, Kevin Hart, Miranda Lambert, Warped Tour, tax-free weekend and more

Plan your weekend Aug. 3-5: Tampa Bay Comic Con, Kevin Hart, Miranda Lambert, Warped Tour, tax-free weekend and more

MusicConcerts of note: On Friday queen of country music Miranda Lambert and Little Big Town, the hit-making vocal machine bring a strong night of country’s best female artists at the MidFlorida Credit Union Amphitheatre in Tampa. $34.25 and up. Live...
Published: 08/02/18