Friday, September 21, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Dad's death ramps up fear of losing Mom

Q: I'm single and in my late 20s. My dad passed away over a year ago, and lately, I've been having panic attacks at the thought of my mom passing away soon, too.

I always thought I'd be married with kids before losing either one of them and now I'm so anxious over the possibility of losing both before I even hit 30 that I've been acting flaky about spending more time with my mom because on some level, I don't want to establish a new routine with her in my life only to lose her too and have another gaping hole in my day-to-day life.

Do you have any wisdom? I feel like I can't really think straight right now.

The Other Shoe Falling

A: Here's proof that you're not thinking straight: You've cut your mother out of your life because you're afraid of not having her in your life.

When your mom is gone someday, I suspect you'll wish you'd established 100 new routines with her.

So stop letting grief call your shots and start facing your mom and mortality in general, ideally with a good therapist.

She feels fine about friendship with her ex

Q: My husband of 55 years fell in love with another woman. Now two years after the divorce, they have an established household together. My life is full with many friends and activities.

I am wondering about our continuing "friendship" (something he wanted very strongly), which includes texting every few days. He does favors for me and is available for emergencies.

Among family and close friends, however, the general opinion is that we haven't "moved on." I am not concerned with what other people think, but want to be mentally healthy about the situation.

Ex-Spouse

A: If you're confident you're not holding out for any more from your ex than you're currently getting, then where's the harm?

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Mark your calendar for these Halloween events

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Tell Me About It:

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