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Tell Me About It: Dealing with friends who have fallen out

Q: Do you have any tips on how to navigate relationships with two friends who've stopped speaking to each other? I'm still friends with both. I spend more time with one, but actually tend to think he's more at fault in the falling out.

Should I completely butt out?

Friend

A: I think it makes the most sense to stay friends with each as if neither is friends with the other, period — as in, treat it as a "what" and not a "why." If you're ever unsure which one to invite to something, then invite both and let them sort it out.

In the event the "why" becomes an issue, though, it's fine to express your opinion, as long as you're careful to acknowledge the limits of what you know.

That is, unless you witnessed the falling-out event yourself: In that case, you should already have told the more-in-the-wrong friend your opinion of his more-wrongness. That is something we owe our friends — on both sides of a wrong.

Fiance seems to have lost interest in her

Q: I am very much in love with my boyfriend, but it seems he no longer shares those feelings.

When we attended my sister's wedding, we got engaged. I was thrilled, but he's been saying ever since, "Let's give it more time," and refusing to talk any more about it. It's been six years, and he just won't tell me why we're not married.

I'm losing my mind here. I don't want to leave him, but I don't know what I can do when he won't talk to me.

Desperate Bride

A: You can leave.

Why stay? Put yourself in control.

If you agree that "losing (your) mind" = time to go, then just arrange a new place to live. Hurt now so the healing begins.

Tell Me About It: Dealing with friends who have fallen out 05/12/17 [Last modified: Friday, May 5, 2017 6:20pm]
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