Tuesday, December 12, 2017
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Decide if right lifestyle trumps right mate

Q: I finished my undergrad a year ago, have a good job, and consider myself financially stable. My boyfriend is finishing his master's and will graduate with $200,000 in student debt.

We've been together for nine months and have not talked seriously about his massive debt. I know we both eventually want to be married and have kids, travel and live comfortably. I don't see that being a possibility. Homeownership and kids seem impossible under that kind of debt.

I don't want to break up with him, but, the way I see it, he'd have to throw massive amounts of money into his loans, and what I make would support us. I would end up resenting him for that. Should I break it off?

Not My Debt

A: Debt like that will dog you, limit you, wake you up to stare at the ceiling at 3 a.m. if one's job is the least bit unstable. I sympathize with all of your misgivings. I also recognize this has become a too-common reality and, coldly I guess, hope others will read this and weigh the realistic return on education investments carefully before making them.

A lot of us would choose our mates, and their liabilities, over homeownership, travel . . . even comfort, depending on how you define it. Plenty sign on despite children from previous relationships at an estimated $241,080 liability per to age 18, in middle-class style (per the U.S. Department of Agriculture).

So, break it off? If he's not the guy you'd choose over your preferred lifestyle, then, yes. If you're not sure yet, then talking seriously about money sounds like a fine place to start finding out.

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