Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Decision on nose job isn't boyfriend's to make

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Q: I'm 31 and I have wanted a nose job since I was a little girl. My nose isn't big or bent but the tip is a little wide and I want a slight adjustment. My boyfriend of 10 years is against it and said I will look like a different person and regret it.

If it wasn't for him, I would get it done. I now worry that if I'm not happy with the outcome he won't support me. How do I let him know that I'm me regardless of my nose and that his job is to support me?

Nose Job?

A: You don't. It's not your place to shape his opinion to your liking or tell him what his "job" is, any more than it is his place to tell you what you will and won't regret.

You can want support, but you can't make him give it. And he doesn't get to say what you'll regret.

You can only decide which is more important, his support or your nose, and proceed accordingly.

He, meanwhile, can only express his concern about the possible result of the surgery, or worry that he won't like your post-op face as much as he likes the pre-.

Meaning, both of you need to stay on your sides of the line here. You get to decide what you do with your face, how you feel about it and how you feel about your boyfriend. He gets to decide how he feels about your appearance and how he feels about you. Both of you do get to air concerns about the after vs. the before. You do both have to live with any consequences, but the priorities behind each choice are for each of you to determine, act on and own.

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