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Tell Me About It: Despite her efforts, she cannot lose weight

 
Published Dec. 30, 2015

Q: My husband said a few months ago, "I'm worried you're gaining weight." I am about 5 pounds higher than I should be according to BMI charts. I'd love to lose 20 pounds and look like I did 13 years ago. But I have been working out, eating right, getting tested for thyroid problems, etc., and nothing is changing.

Setting aside whether there are other things I could be doing (like working with a personal trainer), what if this is just me? My cholesterol, blood sugar, everything — it's all fantastic. No health problems. Just chubby. I'm so sad.

I Just Cannot Lose Weight

A: Aging changes bodies, it just does, and the only real say we have over that process is through our choices: physical activity, food quality and quantity, and self-care, which includes everything from sleep to basic hygiene to medical attention.

And not only do people tend to thicken as they age, but they also respond differently to efforts to lose weight. Some bodies respond quickly, some take longer, some hang onto weight no matter how hard you work them.

People who witness their partners attending to these variables, and find only fault with the results, prove themselves unworthy of their partners' efforts.

Obviously it would be a lot better for both of you if you both recognized that the care you're taking will pay off for you in the only way that matters: on the inside. I don't just mean in your healthy lab results, but also in your emotional equilibrium, your sense of self-worth, your strength and flexibility and your chances of remaining mobile into old age.

Assuming a conversation alone won't open his eyes, you or he or both might benefit from a bit of professional intervention — doctor, trainer, nutritionist, marriage counselor, depending on the nature and size of the empathy gaps.

If he can't see your worth, though, then that's his blindness; don't let it also be yours.