Q: I have the big H. Luckily, I have been asymptomatic and am taking a daily prescription to reduce the chance of spreading it to others. When exactly do I tell a guy that I have it?
I realize not every guy will want to be with someone who has this. I lucked out with my ex, in that I told him after a couple of dates — and after we had fooled around a bit — but before we had sex. Should I do the same thing in the future?
I did debate on not telling until after having sex, since this is such an important part of a relationship to me, but saying, "Oh, by the way, I have herpes," seems like setting myself up to fail. My friend suggested acting like I just found out about it and haven't known the entire time. What do you think?
When to Tell
A: You had it right the first time. You say you "lucked out," but consider that your ex responded well because you did the right thing. Plus, you apparently chose someone who had the decency not to make you pay for your honesty or for having a health condition that says nothing about you except that you've had sex before. That's some luck, but also judgment. Waiting until after you've had sex, and worse, pretending you just found out? Ask yourself how that's conscionable — and watch what you entrust to this friend.