Advertisement

Tell Me About It: Family prefers to keep funeral private

 
Published Jan. 7, 2016

Family prefers to keep funeral private

Q: My elderly father is probably going to die soon. He had a massive stroke two years ago and his life since has been a misery for him and my family, so it will be a mixture of grief and relief.

How do I tell my friends and co-workers that I would prefer they not attend the funeral? They would go only out of respect for me (none of my local friends have ever met him), but I would rather sit in an empty room than have to acknowledge the condolences of a bunch of well-meaning people.

Anonymous

A: I'm sorry for the hell you and your family have been through.

Yes, you can make your wishes clear that you don't want anyone to come to the funeral. Best practice is to notify one person in your workplace and one person among your friends to serve as your spokesperson: "The services are private."

Woman could be to blame for dating issues

Q: Why do men pull away? Just when everything is going great? I am so tired of hearing, "It's not you, it's me." And the thing is ... they are right! It would be easy to attribute it to another woman or wanting to sleep around, but none of that applies to the last four guys I dated. So what gives?

WHY WHY WHY?

A: No, they're not right. Or at least they might not be.

When one person pulls away just as things are going great, then it's not you, it's the other person, most likely. But when it happens a fourth time in a row, you have to face the fact of you as the common denominator.

I'm not necessarily saying there's something about you that sends them running — it could also be that you're attracted to a common quality in them, and it's that quality or trait that gets in the way.