Saturday, July 21, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Fiancee innocent in tension with in-laws

Fiancee innocent in tension with in-laws

Q: I'm getting married very soon, and my future in-laws are all in the wedding. For various reasons, the primary one being that there are some cultural differences, they have all pre-emptively refused to do the few things I've asked them to do: be at a certain place at a certain time, wearing venue-appropriate clothing.

I talked this over with my fiance and told him I accept that they want to be themselves and do things their own way. He got very upset about the fact that they aren't respecting my wishes, and intervened on my behalf. I think this involved a yelling fight with at least one relative, though I wasn't there.

I now sense that the future in-laws are all upset with me. How do I do damage control that doesn't undermine my fiance, who was just trying to support me?

Weddingy Fluff 'n' Stuff

A: There comes a point when trying to fix something starts to make it worse, and your fiance unfortunately reached that point when he challenged his family.

I suggest you say nothing further about this, in your defense or your fiance's or anything else. Instead, be nothing but warm and welcoming to his family hereafter, and consider tweaking or outright eliminating items on the wedding agenda that expose these cultural differences. I don't know if this last one is even possible, but have a look. It's hard to think of a specific wedding event that's worth having if the place/timing/clothes are going to present such a problem.

At least, this is true of the specific wedding issue. Your fiance might have also been trying to fix something with his family in a larger sense.

If true, the outcome of this part of the story probably won't be known for some time. It's also something I suggest you leave to him to navigate, although it would be appropriate and even useful to prompt him to talk/think about the possibility that this wedding issue is just a proxy for a bigger battle he's trying to fight with them. It's possible he himself hasn't entirely seen it for what it is.

Comments
In the few weeks before school starts, experts offer tips on getting ready mentally and physically

In the few weeks before school starts, experts offer tips on getting ready mentally and physically

By the second week of August, public schools will be back in session across the Tampa Bay area. That may seem far off, but sleep experts say now is when parents need to start easing the kids (and themselves) into those early wakeup routines. The foll...
Published: 07/20/18
Deep-fried wonders at Plant City Strawberry Festival to be featured on Cooking Channel

Deep-fried wonders at Plant City Strawberry Festival to be featured on Cooking Channel

The strawberry-laden and deep-fried wonders of Plant City’s Florida Strawberry Festival will be featured on two episodes of the TV series Carnival Eats, the first on July 29.The Cooking Channel series features host Noah Cappe as he marvels at the "ga...
Published: 07/19/18

Tell Me About It: Family put off by another big wedding

Q: I’m engaged to a wonderful man, "Jim," and we’re planning our wedding. We just booked a gorgeous inn and I am going to wear a stunning full-length white dress. We’ll also be having a sit-down dinner with band and dancing for the reception.I’m in m...
Published: 07/18/18
First look (with video): Universal’s new high-tech fountain shows ends the night at the theme park

First look (with video): Universal’s new high-tech fountain shows ends the night at the theme park

Visitors to Universal Studios in Orlando on Monday night got to witness the premiere of the new high-tech, dancing-fountain, cinematic show to end the day in the park in what the show’s creator called "a kiss goodnight." It’s full of ima...
Published: 07/17/18

Tell Me About It: Stepmom expects gift will become an issue

Q: My husband’s daughter just announced she and her boyfriend are getting married, and we are very happy for them. They are planning a wedding that we consider over the top. The cost will likely exceed her annual salary.My husband has been blunt abou...
Published: 07/17/18

Tell Me About It: The grieving process differs for everyone

Q: My parents died in an accident a year and a half ago. I grieve for them every day and still find it difficult to talk about them without tears. I see a grief counselor and have been screened by my doctor for depression, and both said what I was fe...
Published: 07/16/18

Tell Me About It: Wife’s beefs with family are indefensible

Q: My wife occasionally picks fights with members of my family of origin, especially my sister. What am I supposed to do about that? The general guidance is that protecting my spouse from my family of origin is my responsibility, but it was my wife t...
Published: 07/15/18
Rascal Flatts’ Jay DeMarcus talks longevity, the road and picking the perfect opener

Rascal Flatts’ Jay DeMarcus talks longevity, the road and picking the perfect opener

There was a time, believe it or not, when Rascal Flatts was considered cutting-edge country. Okay, "cutting-edge" might be pushing it — the trio’s wholesome, harmony-laden style was never all that controversial. Still, when you survey the pop- and R&...
Published: 07/13/18
Updated: 07/18/18
8 things to do this weekend: Sam Smith, SharkCon, Extreme Mud Wars, deal at Chihuly

8 things to do this weekend: Sam Smith, SharkCon, Extreme Mud Wars, deal at Chihuly

Concert Sam Smith and Cam: On Friday, Sam Smith (Stay With Me) is coming to Tampa with opening act Cam, whose latest country single Diane is one of Nashville’s most rollicking of the past year. Smith is the headliner but both acts are worth ca...
Published: 07/13/18

Tell Me About It: Decision to adopt must be her own

Q: I’m a 45-year-old single woman who is financially secure and a self-described introvert. I am happy being single, have a decent job, own a home, and have created a good life for myself. I badly want to adopt or foster a child on my own and I have ...
Updated one month ago