Monday, January 22, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Fiancee puts off thinking about children

Q: I am engaged to a wonderful divorced woman, who has a 4-year-old son. When we got together I wasn't sure I even wanted kids, but seeing her with her son has convinced me I would actually love a child . . . of my own. Her son is a great kid, but he has a very involved father already. I want to have a say in raising my child, to take them hiking, share my interests with them, share their interests with them.

Thing is, my fiancee doesn't want another child. She's promised to think about changing her mind after the wedding next year, but I worry that is just begging for trouble.

I'm thinking of breaking off the engagement now, but she argues it isn't fair to give her an ultimatum and not let her have time to make up her mind. And that I might change my mind again.

I do love her, and it's going to break my heart if I leave. However, staying doesn't seem like a good idea with the wedding moving closer.

A Firm Maybe

A: Oh my goodness, "She's promised to think about changing her mind after the wedding next year"? This is horrible.

Okay, so it isn't "fair" of you to expect her to make this decision on short notice — and if you phrased it as an ultimatum, then it's more than unfair, it's extortion.

So postpone the wedding. Give her the time she wants, give yourself room to think — about kids, about step-parenting, about what that horrible "maybe" says about your fiancee — without the pressure of a wedding bearing down on you.

One thing to consider is that, as long as he actually lives with you half the time, more or less, you can have all the things you mention with your stepson. It'll take time to develop that relationship with him, but having an involved father doesn't preclude the involvement of a stepfather.

If you struggle to make sense of and/or talk about these issues, please also postpone so you can work with a skilled family therapist.

Comments
This year’s Florida State Fair food oddities include catfish ‘sundae’ and chicken and waffles pizza

This year’s Florida State Fair food oddities include catfish ‘sundae’ and chicken and waffles pizza

Being the first in the country on the fair-going calendar, the Florida State Fair is also the first to roll out the outrageous, deep-fried, bacon-wrapped, cheese-covered foods on a stick that perfume the midway. While cotton candy, corn dogs and funn...
Updated: 7 hours ago

Tell Me About It: Guest list exclusion puts wedding at risk

Q: Our wedding is falling apart. My fiance and I were set up by our friend Julia. Julia can be a bit of a firecracker and holds a grudge worse than anyone I know, but she’s a loyal friend.My fiance and I are also close friends with a woman named Sara...
Published: 01/22/18

Tell Me About It: Opening up on the residual effects of abuse

Q: I’m in my mid-thirties and in a relatively new, but so far amazing, relationship. I really can see myself with this person long-term.I’ve been in a couple of abusive relationships before that have taken their emotional toll (occasional nightmares ...
Published: 01/21/18
2018 Children’s Gasparilla Parade: Guide and insider tips

2018 Children’s Gasparilla Parade: Guide and insider tips

On Saturday, the kids get first crack at the booty from the pirates at the Children’s Gasparilla Extravaganza, the annual alcohol-free party on Bayshore Boulevard. To kick off the season of Jose Gaspar, the fictitious marauder whose legend has...
Published: 01/18/18
You can buy the balls from Amalie’s Beach Tampa exhibit at auction

You can buy the balls from Amalie’s Beach Tampa exhibit at auction

More than 100,000 people showed up at Amalie Arena in 2016 to frolic in a huge ball pit. It was a sea of 1.2 million white orbs so vast that grown men could belly flop and remain afloat. Almost two years after the Beach Tampa packed up, some 15,000 l...
Published: 01/18/18

Tell Me About It: FaceTime offense lands sister on the outs

FaceTime offense lands sister on the outsQ: When does FaceTime become an intrusion?My sister-in-law recently relocated to our area. We invited her to join us for our traditionally quiet New Year’s Eve celebration. About two hours before midnight, she...
Published: 01/18/18

Tell Me About It: Cousin’s husband pursues young sisters

Cousin’s husband pursues young sisters Q: I just found out that my niece’s husband has made inappropriate comments/propositions to both of my daughters, one still a minor (17). I have to tell my niece, right? I don’t want to hurt her.Broken HeartA: Y...
Published: 01/18/18
Plan your weekend Jan. 19-21: Gasparilla Children’s Parade, Jake Owen, Riverdance, Florida Orchestra’s Dvorak

Plan your weekend Jan. 19-21: Gasparilla Children’s Parade, Jake Owen, Riverdance, Florida Orchestra’s Dvorak

Plan your weekend   Gasparilla Children’s Parade: A week before the more raucous pirate invasion, the G-rated version hits the streets. The Children’s Gasparilla Extravaganza and Parade kicks off Gasparilla season with a bicycle safety...
Published: 01/17/18
Top things to do this week: Steve Martin and Martin Short, Gasparilla Children’s Parade

Top things to do this week: Steve Martin and Martin Short, Gasparilla Children’s Parade

PICKING AND GRINNING: Steve Martin and Martin ShortThere wasn’t a lot of bluegrass being played around Hamilton, Ontario, when Martin Short was a kid. But his decades-long friendship with Steve Martin has made him a fan, which brings An Evening With ...
Published: 01/17/18

Tell Me About It: Mom needs reassurance of their gratitude

Mom needs reassurance of their gratitudeQ: Whenever my mother gives me or my family member a gift, she ends up asking about it several times afterward. Does not matter if it was $5 or expensive.We always thank her for gifts, and these comments feel l...
Published: 01/16/18