Saturday, April 21, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Focus on who supports you, not who doesn't

Q: Two years ago, my adult daughter was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. She is very optimistic and has taken part in fundraisers because she feels she owes it to those who came before her who did the same. We formed a team for our local MS Walk last year and invited our co-workers and members from my very large family to donate, walk or both.

Unfortunately, my enthusiasm for the walk turned to hurt when her aunts and others we thought were close did nothing. My daughter is the type who donates and volunteers for everything.

For months, I could barely talk to my sisters and some co-workers because I was so hurt. I shared my hurt with a co-worker and she said she would donate but never did. I didn't care about the money; I wanted her there.

Another walk is coming and I'm not sure how to proceed — swallow my pride and share my hurt, or just embrace the ones who show up?

To Pout or Not to Pout?

A: Your signature is your answer. When has the answer to that (or any) question ever been "to pout"? Besides, the first law of rallying people to your cause is to learn to embrace the "No."

You care deeply about issues that affect you, and it's a good thing you do. Now extend that to other people: They care deeply about issues that affect them, and it's a good thing they do. This is how things get done.

The path with the most reliable rewards is to choose gratitude. When you feel powerless against a harmful force, it's natural to try to make the world compensate you with something good. But that's just as fruitless as telling MS to buzz off. Consciously stop looking for absences on your donor lists, and celebrate those who appear. Be your own source of something good.

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