Friday, January 19, 2018
Parenting & Relationships

Tell Me About It: Grandpa is the creator of the family drama

Q: I am at my wits' end with family drama. I will spare you the ugly details and start with the most recent heartache.

My husband's daughter from a previous marriage invited our son and his wife and 2-year-old to spend the weekend with them since they were going to be in town. His wife accepted. My husband has been estranged from this daughter for over two years.

When my son and his family arrived, they went to lunch with my husband and stayed through the evening with us. It was a lovely time. Our little granddaughter even went into "her room" and told her dad she wanted to sleep in her bed. It was cruel to see her cry when she had to leave and go to my stepdaughter's house.

My husband is furious. His feelings are crushed and he is angry they would subject her to such nonsense. My husband feels they have been disloyal to him by staying with his estranged daughter.

How can I manage to keep the peace and not "betray" my husband in the process?

C.

A: Your argument, recapped: It's your stepdaughter's fault that she wants to spend time with her brother.

It's impressive that you're able to present this without attributing any drama to the man who was "crushed" and "angry" at the "ordeal" of witnessing the "cruel" and "disloyal" "nonsense" of a child "subject(ed) to" . . .

A planned visit to her aunt's house. After spending an entire day with you two.

Drama, thy name is Grandpa.

The longer you remain faithful spokesbot for your husband, the more soul-rebuilding you'll need when you see the view I've got from here: that you've been devoured by your husband's narcissistic fantasy world.

Please find a well-recommended family therapist and go. Just you. Unspool those "ugly details."

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