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Tell Me About It: Greasy granny ruins life celebrations

 
Published Feb. 2, 2015

Q: My daughter is approaching the age of big life events, though these events most likely are a way off for her, personally. Seeing her friends' lives changing has made her think about her dreams for the future a lot more.

The problem that keeps interfering with her happy little fantasies is her grandmother. My daughter despises Granny. She has good reason not to feel close to Granny, who is the most narcissistic person I have ever met, and has an awful, hair-trigger temper.

Though the parties will not happen anytime soon, I am already hearing regular pleas that Granny not be included in anything. My daughter's fears are more than justified. Granny will embarrass Daughter in front of her friends, dress like a prostitute from the '70s, find some way to take credit for any and all of Daughter's accomplishments, mock every mistake Daughter has made since birth, demand group acknowledgement that Granny is more intelligent than the graduate, more beautiful than the bride, and have a temper tantrum if people do not agree enthusiastically enough. It is what she does, and she will never change.

At this point, I feel like my daughter either needs to suck it up or put off her parties until after Granny dies. Do you see any hope of forging some kind of peaceful solution in the next few years?

A Hootenanny Unto Herself

A: With none of these events even on the horizon, the discussion doesn't need to be, either. Period. Done. Dreading Granny's effect now on events later only grants Granny even more power than she already has, and she already has too much.

That advice is for you, but applies to Daughter as well.

If the time comes for Daughter to plan a wedding and Granny's still going strong, let your daughter decide whom she does and doesn't invite.

Meaning: End, once and for all, not just this woman's tyranny, but also the family tradition of one generation holding the strings of the next. Enough is enough, as you of all people must know.